Andilin loving the cinnamon rolls we got to have for breakfast on Sunday because it was "Recital Day" - John and Karen, et al. are great at making special days really special!
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Life as I know it
There are a couple things that I know about life. There are a bunch of things I DON'T know about life.
Some of the things that I DO know are these:
1) People love to be loved. No one can deny it. When someone loves us unconditionally, is excited to see us, does something special for us we feel like the top of the world.
2) Its hard to leave relationships (see #1).
I'm confronted this week with the opportunity to interview in two different cities for two very different jobs. In San Diego I have the opportunity to interview for a job that I think I'll be good at, and goes with what I want to do for a career (it moves my current ministry into a career) but its with a whole new group of people. In Greenville I have the opportunity to interview for a job that I will be good at, but that I will have to "make" into something I love - and I'll work a lot of extra hours doing it, but the people are ones I know and love. In San Diego I am a long car drive away from my family and a cheap flight away from a ton of my friends and family. In Greenville I am not a cheap flight nor short drive from any of those people - but I'm near a bunch of people who are dear friends to me, and there are women here who I would like to see graduate from College, or go further in spiritual matters.
The Lord promises that if we leave our mother/father/sister/brother that he will replace them 100-fold (Mark 10:29-31). And thats been true all the time I've been away from my family and friends. The Lord has been more than faithful to his promises. But lately I've been wondering if I'm "wasting" the time I could have with my grandparents or parents. If something were to happen to my grandparents, my mom or dad, my brother, would I believe I've made the right decision to stay in Greenville when I had a chance to move closer?
Today the point remains moot. I don't have a job offer yet anywhere. The residence life job at Greenville didn't come through and so I'm left with two options that as of yet are not options (ok, and I'll apply for another couple jobs tomorrow) but may be.
In meantime, speaking of feeling loved. I do.
Many reasons (and these are 3 CURRENT reasons!):
~ Weekend in San Antonio with John/Karen/Ryan/Andi/Jared (see pics above!) and Karen's Parents Nick and Dorothy. I feel as loved by this family as I do by my own family. I feel "a part" of it as though we are related - and we are. The kids welcome me in as though I haven't been away and then say things like, "Tiff, don't go." - how can that not make you feel loved? They support me so often with kind emails and phone calls, and they find ways to bless me in ways that are secret desires of my heart.
~ My parents are the greatest parents in the world (argue if you must, but just because you don't believe it doesn't mean it isn't true.... :) ). They are generous and thoughtful, fun and adventurous. They love each other and have taught me how to love and how to hang in. They love me with more love than I can imagine; supporting me with words, touch and occasionally money - even when they didn't understand my decisions. They always stand by me.
~ God is eagerly desirous of a relationship with me. He craves for me to come to him and rest. He calls to me and calls me "Beautiful Daughter" and he enables me to embark on exciting adventures that are great mysteries - he knows that I love mysteries. He offers me rest and comfort and affection, challenges me to be better and exemplify his nature more. He knows me intimately and meets me as who I am, in the fullness of my personality - which at its very BEST (ok, thats not every day or even 100% of any day but go with me) is a part of God's personality. I was created in his image.
Among all the women in the world today and despite all the mental gymnastics I am going through regarding my future, I feel the most blessed. You can argue - and I hope you do! - that YOU are the most blessed (because somehow in God's economy You are and I am, too!), but we would have a great time recounting the ways that God is blessing each of us and in the end come up with the fact that God is good. All the time. Despite our visible circumstances - and in fact because of our visible circumstances.
Among all women, he chooses me.
He chooses you, too.
Consider it.
Love, Tiff
Some of the things that I DO know are these:
1) People love to be loved. No one can deny it. When someone loves us unconditionally, is excited to see us, does something special for us we feel like the top of the world.
2) Its hard to leave relationships (see #1).
I'm confronted this week with the opportunity to interview in two different cities for two very different jobs. In San Diego I have the opportunity to interview for a job that I think I'll be good at, and goes with what I want to do for a career (it moves my current ministry into a career) but its with a whole new group of people. In Greenville I have the opportunity to interview for a job that I will be good at, but that I will have to "make" into something I love - and I'll work a lot of extra hours doing it, but the people are ones I know and love. In San Diego I am a long car drive away from my family and a cheap flight away from a ton of my friends and family. In Greenville I am not a cheap flight nor short drive from any of those people - but I'm near a bunch of people who are dear friends to me, and there are women here who I would like to see graduate from College, or go further in spiritual matters.
The Lord promises that if we leave our mother/father/sister/brother that he will replace them 100-fold (Mark 10:29-31). And thats been true all the time I've been away from my family and friends. The Lord has been more than faithful to his promises. But lately I've been wondering if I'm "wasting" the time I could have with my grandparents or parents. If something were to happen to my grandparents, my mom or dad, my brother, would I believe I've made the right decision to stay in Greenville when I had a chance to move closer?
Today the point remains moot. I don't have a job offer yet anywhere. The residence life job at Greenville didn't come through and so I'm left with two options that as of yet are not options (ok, and I'll apply for another couple jobs tomorrow) but may be.
In meantime, speaking of feeling loved. I do.
Many reasons (and these are 3 CURRENT reasons!):
~ Weekend in San Antonio with John/Karen/Ryan/Andi/Jared (see pics above!) and Karen's Parents Nick and Dorothy. I feel as loved by this family as I do by my own family. I feel "a part" of it as though we are related - and we are. The kids welcome me in as though I haven't been away and then say things like, "Tiff, don't go." - how can that not make you feel loved? They support me so often with kind emails and phone calls, and they find ways to bless me in ways that are secret desires of my heart.
~ My parents are the greatest parents in the world (argue if you must, but just because you don't believe it doesn't mean it isn't true.... :) ). They are generous and thoughtful, fun and adventurous. They love each other and have taught me how to love and how to hang in. They love me with more love than I can imagine; supporting me with words, touch and occasionally money - even when they didn't understand my decisions. They always stand by me.
~ God is eagerly desirous of a relationship with me. He craves for me to come to him and rest. He calls to me and calls me "Beautiful Daughter" and he enables me to embark on exciting adventures that are great mysteries - he knows that I love mysteries. He offers me rest and comfort and affection, challenges me to be better and exemplify his nature more. He knows me intimately and meets me as who I am, in the fullness of my personality - which at its very BEST (ok, thats not every day or even 100% of any day but go with me) is a part of God's personality. I was created in his image.
Among all the women in the world today and despite all the mental gymnastics I am going through regarding my future, I feel the most blessed. You can argue - and I hope you do! - that YOU are the most blessed (because somehow in God's economy You are and I am, too!), but we would have a great time recounting the ways that God is blessing each of us and in the end come up with the fact that God is good. All the time. Despite our visible circumstances - and in fact because of our visible circumstances.
Among all women, he chooses me.
He chooses you, too.
Consider it.
Love, Tiff
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Then the time came when the risk it took
To remain tight in a bud was more painful
Than the risk it took to blossom.
Anais Nin
__________________
I was doing so well for a while keeping updated and now its been a month. I will update this week. But in the meantime, this quote struck me today. I pray that I can see that the reward is worth any risk, and that I'll be willing to face pain to blossom into who God is making me to be.
Love, Tiff
To remain tight in a bud was more painful
Than the risk it took to blossom.
Anais Nin
__________________
I was doing so well for a while keeping updated and now its been a month. I will update this week. But in the meantime, this quote struck me today. I pray that I can see that the reward is worth any risk, and that I'll be willing to face pain to blossom into who God is making me to be.
Love, Tiff
Monday, April 25, 2005
Damascus Road
http://www.mcc.org/damascusroad/about.html
This weekend I attended an "Anti-Racism Analysis Training" through an experience/group called "The Damascus Road" - which is organized and housed under the Menonite Central Committee (a function of the Menonite church).
I'm still a little raw, and trying to process all that I learned, recognized, realized and desire to see happen in my life and in the amercian society.
The course was split into three section: racism and brokenness, racism and identity, racism and healing. Through the experience we walked through a 500 year history of racism and oppression in America, identified ways that racism has been systemically injected into our institutions, and talked about how racism as an evil tries to destroy both whites and people of color.
It was fascinating. So hard to see how from 1492 through today racism - though changing in its form, continues to be active. Especially when so much of what we "think" is color-blind. I was challeneged in my own mind to realize that being color-blind is not the solution - for to be color-blind inevitably forces people of color to conform to my white culture. But instead I can acknowledge people of color, their background, culture and lives. Not to ignore, but to embrace. We talked about the privileges we receive as white people, just by being white. (and if you think about it - there are a ton. if you are having a hard time, think about what things that people of color often DON'T get - i.e. the freedom to browse in a store without being followed)
We did a lot of talking - trying to process through our emotions and reactions. Trying to understand how the bible could be used as justification for the decimation of native nations, for slavery, etc. Trying to look at this issue from a Christian perspective now.
The goal of the Damascus Road process, it seems, is to bring awareness to the issue, and then to train groups to begin breaking down racism within their institution. I am excited to be a part of this process at Greenville for as long as the Lord allows me to be here. I am hopeful that there are more and more people trained in this understanding, and that share the desire to see REAL equality and representation for all races on this campus.
In the meantime, I am in thoughtful prayer as to how I can go forward individually in this endeavor.
yours truly!
Tiffani
This weekend I attended an "Anti-Racism Analysis Training" through an experience/group called "The Damascus Road" - which is organized and housed under the Menonite Central Committee (a function of the Menonite church).
I'm still a little raw, and trying to process all that I learned, recognized, realized and desire to see happen in my life and in the amercian society.
The course was split into three section: racism and brokenness, racism and identity, racism and healing. Through the experience we walked through a 500 year history of racism and oppression in America, identified ways that racism has been systemically injected into our institutions, and talked about how racism as an evil tries to destroy both whites and people of color.
It was fascinating. So hard to see how from 1492 through today racism - though changing in its form, continues to be active. Especially when so much of what we "think" is color-blind. I was challeneged in my own mind to realize that being color-blind is not the solution - for to be color-blind inevitably forces people of color to conform to my white culture. But instead I can acknowledge people of color, their background, culture and lives. Not to ignore, but to embrace. We talked about the privileges we receive as white people, just by being white. (and if you think about it - there are a ton. if you are having a hard time, think about what things that people of color often DON'T get - i.e. the freedom to browse in a store without being followed)
We did a lot of talking - trying to process through our emotions and reactions. Trying to understand how the bible could be used as justification for the decimation of native nations, for slavery, etc. Trying to look at this issue from a Christian perspective now.
The goal of the Damascus Road process, it seems, is to bring awareness to the issue, and then to train groups to begin breaking down racism within their institution. I am excited to be a part of this process at Greenville for as long as the Lord allows me to be here. I am hopeful that there are more and more people trained in this understanding, and that share the desire to see REAL equality and representation for all races on this campus.
In the meantime, I am in thoughtful prayer as to how I can go forward individually in this endeavor.
yours truly!
Tiffani
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Here is a photo of my "Tuesday Morning Breakfast Club" - we are missing one regular member, and one new member from this picture - but we were excited to be together just the same. Look at these beautiful women!!!! Clockwise, starting left - Ashley, Hilary, Jenn, Annie, Amanda (far right), Hilary (purple shirt), Maura (below Annie), and me. Missing from the pic: Kristina, Joy
Recent Events
Well, so much in a week. I continue to forget to update regularly, but then again, I see that I posted pics last week, so I feel like once a week may be good enough (trying to have some grace with myself).
In the last two weeks I've gone for a long girl's weekend with my mom in Chicago, and spent a less long weekend with girls from the college at a retreat.
BOTH events were outstanding. I had a G-R-E-A-T time with my mom, and am itching to get working on a few scrapbook pages for our "road trip" scrapbook. After we drove from Seattle to Greenville in 2003 I made her a book of our trip, and we've decided to add pages from our annual girl's weekends (of which this was the first) to the book - rather than get a new book! Chicago was SUPER fun - what a city! So much to do and see. We went to Eli's Cheesecake world (the actual bakery by O'Hare airport), the Mag. Mile (as we call it now) and what seemed like miles of other places. The weekend was capped at the end with the Gospel Brunch at the House of Blues - WOW. The group that performed was named "somebody and Chosen" (can't remember their name now, darn it!) and they were fantastic. What a neat time. (plus - chickory in coffee = good)
Last weekend was also VERY fun - less relaxing mentally, but more relaxing physically, so overall it was great. The location was incredible (i'll put a couple pics up) and the weather was perfect - all this despite the anxiety over ticks (they were everywhere - but thankfully I didn't bring any back with me... that i know of). I presented a workshop called, "Moldy Cheese" which talked about ridding our lives of the "yukky" things that keep us bound in shame and embarassment. I was excited to be asked to speak, but not as excited as I was simply to attend!
I got to spend a lot of time with the ladies who are in my weekly bible study, as well as some others who I don't get to see so much. And I was as blessed as anyone there by the whole experience.
This weekend I am headed out to "Durley Camp" in Greenville, where I will participate in "Damascus Road" - an anti-racism training that I hope will be a great experience of revelation and growth. I'm not afraid to face any subtle (or overt) prejudices that I might have and at the same time, I am wondering what I will take away, how I will be changed.
Many birthdays in my life this week - Larina turned 29 on Monday, and my Aunt Donna's b-day is on Friday (I can't remember the age - for which she is probably glad - smile), and Erin O'Hagan takes the plunge into her 30's next Thursday.
Thankfully God is good and all those ladies are in good health and mostly good spirits regarding their age. :)
Here are some prayer requests:
1) our office is heading up a "40 days of prayer" effort on campus, nightly from 10:15-11:15, tonight is night 17. Please pray for people's hearts to be moved to pray, and for people's lives to be changed by prayer.
2) I have been exhausted, my house is in disarray, and so is my "organized" life. Please pray that I could get back on track in the next days, and more particularly next week - with physical discipline (working out, balancing checkbook, bills) and spiritual discipline (more reading and prayer).
3) My job situation is still undetermined (from my perspective, though the Lord knows). Please pray that interviews would be scheduled soon for the resident director job on campus and that I would know if its an option for me.
THANKS for your prayers and love!
Love, Tiff
In the last two weeks I've gone for a long girl's weekend with my mom in Chicago, and spent a less long weekend with girls from the college at a retreat.
BOTH events were outstanding. I had a G-R-E-A-T time with my mom, and am itching to get working on a few scrapbook pages for our "road trip" scrapbook. After we drove from Seattle to Greenville in 2003 I made her a book of our trip, and we've decided to add pages from our annual girl's weekends (of which this was the first) to the book - rather than get a new book! Chicago was SUPER fun - what a city! So much to do and see. We went to Eli's Cheesecake world (the actual bakery by O'Hare airport), the Mag. Mile (as we call it now) and what seemed like miles of other places. The weekend was capped at the end with the Gospel Brunch at the House of Blues - WOW. The group that performed was named "somebody and Chosen" (can't remember their name now, darn it!) and they were fantastic. What a neat time. (plus - chickory in coffee = good)
Last weekend was also VERY fun - less relaxing mentally, but more relaxing physically, so overall it was great. The location was incredible (i'll put a couple pics up) and the weather was perfect - all this despite the anxiety over ticks (they were everywhere - but thankfully I didn't bring any back with me... that i know of). I presented a workshop called, "Moldy Cheese" which talked about ridding our lives of the "yukky" things that keep us bound in shame and embarassment. I was excited to be asked to speak, but not as excited as I was simply to attend!
I got to spend a lot of time with the ladies who are in my weekly bible study, as well as some others who I don't get to see so much. And I was as blessed as anyone there by the whole experience.
This weekend I am headed out to "Durley Camp" in Greenville, where I will participate in "Damascus Road" - an anti-racism training that I hope will be a great experience of revelation and growth. I'm not afraid to face any subtle (or overt) prejudices that I might have and at the same time, I am wondering what I will take away, how I will be changed.
Many birthdays in my life this week - Larina turned 29 on Monday, and my Aunt Donna's b-day is on Friday (I can't remember the age - for which she is probably glad - smile), and Erin O'Hagan takes the plunge into her 30's next Thursday.
Thankfully God is good and all those ladies are in good health and mostly good spirits regarding their age. :)
Here are some prayer requests:
1) our office is heading up a "40 days of prayer" effort on campus, nightly from 10:15-11:15, tonight is night 17. Please pray for people's hearts to be moved to pray, and for people's lives to be changed by prayer.
2) I have been exhausted, my house is in disarray, and so is my "organized" life. Please pray that I could get back on track in the next days, and more particularly next week - with physical discipline (working out, balancing checkbook, bills) and spiritual discipline (more reading and prayer).
3) My job situation is still undetermined (from my perspective, though the Lord knows). Please pray that interviews would be scheduled soon for the resident director job on campus and that I would know if its an option for me.
THANKS for your prayers and love!
Love, Tiff
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
The Soundtrack for my Life
My aunts (gloria and donna) and I went with my dad to his chorale rehearsal tonight. He sings in two choral groups - the Arizona Choral Union and the Phoenix Symphony Chorus. Tonight was the PCC. It was GREAT. I love hearing him sing, and I love music.
The song that I heard for the first time tonight was Italian and called something like "Nostrem Dorma" (something 'sleep') - thats not the "right" title but its like that. Anyway, it was beautiful and I wished I could carry it around on a little I-pod with speakers and play it in the more dramatic moments of my life.
That being said, its midnight, I checked into my fligh (which is why i'm up!) and was the 1st one to do so - HURRAH! But my aunts are sleeping in the other room and I need to do the same so that they aren't being kept awake by my typing.
So blessings to all. Maybe tomorrow I'll get the right title and also post another quote from "Hind's Feet" - its phenomenal. Read it.
I am blessed tonight among the people, to know and love God and to be known and loved. To have family whom I love, and who love me. And to have sweet music in my head.
Love you friends and family as well - :)
The song that I heard for the first time tonight was Italian and called something like "Nostrem Dorma" (something 'sleep') - thats not the "right" title but its like that. Anyway, it was beautiful and I wished I could carry it around on a little I-pod with speakers and play it in the more dramatic moments of my life.
That being said, its midnight, I checked into my fligh (which is why i'm up!) and was the 1st one to do so - HURRAH! But my aunts are sleeping in the other room and I need to do the same so that they aren't being kept awake by my typing.
So blessings to all. Maybe tomorrow I'll get the right title and also post another quote from "Hind's Feet" - its phenomenal. Read it.
I am blessed tonight among the people, to know and love God and to be known and loved. To have family whom I love, and who love me. And to have sweet music in my head.
Love you friends and family as well - :)
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Being at home, and Hinds' Feet
Well, Hello!
Been a long time (i can't count that last blog, since its really just b-days, and probably incomplete to boot!).
I'm at my parent's home in Phoenix for about a week, to attend the wedding of a college friend, Liz. ** side note - i thought, i wonder if i can find a pic to post of Liz, so i googled her - amazing stuff people - and found a pic and bio at this website: www.standrewspres.com/staff/liz_lantz.htm** I'm REALLY excited for this wedding. Liz is a friend who I often email with, but have not seen (except this pic right now) in 9 years. I found out she was a Christian, and that she was also in BSF (years ago now) and our friendship was rekindled. She since left BSF to work as an alumni advisor to ADPi at U of A. I cherish her friendship and her helpful comments as I was pursuing a position nationally with the sorority (as a house director - a position which i have applied for, but for which there are not yet any openings).
ANYWAY. The wedding is tomorrow (saturday) at 4pm in Tucson, so I am taking a 2 hour drive down south, and then will stay overnight in a hotel down there and meet up with my folks and two of my beautiful aunts for a spring training b-ball game in the afternoon (sunday). What a treat!
I took a bump in St. Louis, so got a voucher, but lost out on sleep and arrived in Phx on Thurs am, 10-ish hours later than originally planned, but it worked out super. Thurs (yesterday) was long and I was tired, but enjoyed seeing my family so much. The house looks incredible - inside and out and the ORANGE BLOSSOMS (my favorite smell) are incredible. The air is cloying and sweet and it makes me want to breathe in constantly and never exhale. Seriously, if you haven't smelled their fragrance, get thee to Arizona, Florida or California IMMEDIATELY before they fall.
The hardest part of the day was experiencing first-hand the loss of our family dog, Buddy. Buddy was a beagle, and was with us almost 13 years. He was put to sleep last Friday after a diagnosis of terminal cancer. What I notice most is what I don't notice. Let me 'splain. The sound of him shaking his collar, the dog door slapping, his bed by the fireplace, the slurping as he licks my brother's face, and his whining when i got to the door with my suitcase - begging to be petted. The loss is palpable and we are worse for his absence, though there are a TON of funny and happy memories.
OK, on a lighter note.
Today my mom and I went shopping to help get me ready for the wedding. I love my mom - love shopping with her. She was patient and allowed me to try on about a million different tops with the skirt that I tucked away in my purse so we could match the colors. And then she spent another 30 minutes with me in the jewelry section as we tried to find "just the right necklace". :) Happy day. Later my dad, mom and I drove out looking at houses for one of his clients......... we looked at two (from the street) in particular. They were ginormous. One of them was $6 million (no exaggeration) the other was $3.5. yeah. I'm hoping that we can look at some other biggies on Monday.
On to Hinds' Feet. Did you know that a "Hind" is a female deer. I did not, so I looked it up.
I'm currently reading "Hinds' Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard. If you are a believer in Jesus - and have not read it, pick it up and read at least to page 80. (I can't recommend it yet further than that - i'm only on 80 myself, but my expectations are high that it will continue to be phenomenal) Its an allegory about the Christian's walk with Jesus, represented by a woman named "Much Afraid" and being accompanied to the high places by two companions "Sorrow" and "Suffering".
WOW. thats all there is to it.
Here is an excerpt. (and before I forget, another recommendation: "The Autobiography of George Muller" - its about $5 online. must read, must own!)
"The high places," answered the Shepherd, " are the starting places for the journey down to the lowest place in the world. When you have deer's feet and can go 'leaping on the mountains and skipping on the hills,' you will be able, as I am, to run down from the heights in gladdest self-giving and then go up to the mountains again." (p. 60)
............
"Joy and Peace. Are those the companions you would have chosen for yourself? You remember your promise, to accept the helpers that I would give, because you believed that I would choose the very best possible guides for you.....Fear not, Much Afraid, only believe. I promise that you shall not be put to shame. Go with Sorrow and Suffering, and if you cannot welcome them now, when you come to the difficult places where you cannot manage alone, put your hands in their confidently and they will take you exactly where I want you to go."
She looked at him and said, "Do I wish to turn back? O Shepherd, to whom should I go?.... Help me to trust you as much as I long to love you." (pp. 66-67)
............
And on that note, may you be blessed tonight beyond your own understanding and may you find that the Great Shepherd has indeed layed out a table before you in front of your enemy, but that you can sup there in safety and confidence.
Love, me.
Been a long time (i can't count that last blog, since its really just b-days, and probably incomplete to boot!).
I'm at my parent's home in Phoenix for about a week, to attend the wedding of a college friend, Liz. ** side note - i thought, i wonder if i can find a pic to post of Liz, so i googled her - amazing stuff people - and found a pic and bio at this website: www.standrewspres.com/staff/liz_lantz.htm** I'm REALLY excited for this wedding. Liz is a friend who I often email with, but have not seen (except this pic right now) in 9 years. I found out she was a Christian, and that she was also in BSF (years ago now) and our friendship was rekindled. She since left BSF to work as an alumni advisor to ADPi at U of A. I cherish her friendship and her helpful comments as I was pursuing a position nationally with the sorority (as a house director - a position which i have applied for, but for which there are not yet any openings).
ANYWAY. The wedding is tomorrow (saturday) at 4pm in Tucson, so I am taking a 2 hour drive down south, and then will stay overnight in a hotel down there and meet up with my folks and two of my beautiful aunts for a spring training b-ball game in the afternoon (sunday). What a treat!
I took a bump in St. Louis, so got a voucher, but lost out on sleep and arrived in Phx on Thurs am, 10-ish hours later than originally planned, but it worked out super. Thurs (yesterday) was long and I was tired, but enjoyed seeing my family so much. The house looks incredible - inside and out and the ORANGE BLOSSOMS (my favorite smell) are incredible. The air is cloying and sweet and it makes me want to breathe in constantly and never exhale. Seriously, if you haven't smelled their fragrance, get thee to Arizona, Florida or California IMMEDIATELY before they fall.
The hardest part of the day was experiencing first-hand the loss of our family dog, Buddy. Buddy was a beagle, and was with us almost 13 years. He was put to sleep last Friday after a diagnosis of terminal cancer. What I notice most is what I don't notice. Let me 'splain. The sound of him shaking his collar, the dog door slapping, his bed by the fireplace, the slurping as he licks my brother's face, and his whining when i got to the door with my suitcase - begging to be petted. The loss is palpable and we are worse for his absence, though there are a TON of funny and happy memories.
OK, on a lighter note.
Today my mom and I went shopping to help get me ready for the wedding. I love my mom - love shopping with her. She was patient and allowed me to try on about a million different tops with the skirt that I tucked away in my purse so we could match the colors. And then she spent another 30 minutes with me in the jewelry section as we tried to find "just the right necklace". :) Happy day. Later my dad, mom and I drove out looking at houses for one of his clients......... we looked at two (from the street) in particular. They were ginormous. One of them was $6 million (no exaggeration) the other was $3.5. yeah. I'm hoping that we can look at some other biggies on Monday.
On to Hinds' Feet. Did you know that a "Hind" is a female deer. I did not, so I looked it up.
I'm currently reading "Hinds' Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard. If you are a believer in Jesus - and have not read it, pick it up and read at least to page 80. (I can't recommend it yet further than that - i'm only on 80 myself, but my expectations are high that it will continue to be phenomenal) Its an allegory about the Christian's walk with Jesus, represented by a woman named "Much Afraid" and being accompanied to the high places by two companions "Sorrow" and "Suffering".
WOW. thats all there is to it.
Here is an excerpt. (and before I forget, another recommendation: "The Autobiography of George Muller" - its about $5 online. must read, must own!)
"The high places," answered the Shepherd, " are the starting places for the journey down to the lowest place in the world. When you have deer's feet and can go 'leaping on the mountains and skipping on the hills,' you will be able, as I am, to run down from the heights in gladdest self-giving and then go up to the mountains again." (p. 60)
............
"Joy and Peace. Are those the companions you would have chosen for yourself? You remember your promise, to accept the helpers that I would give, because you believed that I would choose the very best possible guides for you.....Fear not, Much Afraid, only believe. I promise that you shall not be put to shame. Go with Sorrow and Suffering, and if you cannot welcome them now, when you come to the difficult places where you cannot manage alone, put your hands in their confidently and they will take you exactly where I want you to go."
She looked at him and said, "Do I wish to turn back? O Shepherd, to whom should I go?.... Help me to trust you as much as I long to love you." (pp. 66-67)
............
And on that note, may you be blessed tonight beyond your own understanding and may you find that the Great Shepherd has indeed layed out a table before you in front of your enemy, but that you can sup there in safety and confidence.
Love, me.
Friday, March 11, 2005
The Latest
Wow - I thought JUNE had a lot of birthdays.... March seems to be a biggie, too.
My brother turns 28 on the 31st.
Jenn turned 22 on the 7th.
Ashley and Hilary (the lambert twins) turned 19 on the 10th.
AND Bethany turns 24 (?yes?) on the 13th.
I can only remember dates, not ages. And dates not well. Especially if they fall after FB camp begins.
My brother turns 28 on the 31st.
Jenn turned 22 on the 7th.
Ashley and Hilary (the lambert twins) turned 19 on the 10th.
AND Bethany turns 24 (?yes?) on the 13th.
I can only remember dates, not ages. And dates not well. Especially if they fall after FB camp begins.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Single-ness?
http://www.pcpc.org/ministries/singles/singledout.asp
If you have a few minutes, I encourage you to check out this attached article, written from the perspective of a 30-something single woman in the last couple years. (She is now married.)
I think that its a SUPER call for single people and married people to forget about their "status" and simply serve. Which (most days) is my motto as well.
For the hesitant - here is an excerpt:
Had I any vague premonition of my present plight when I was six, I would have demanded that Stephen Herbison (incontestably the catch of the second grade) put his marriage proposal into writing and have it notarized. I do want this piece to be practical, so to all you first-graders: CARPE DIEM.
Blessings.
Tiffani
If you have a few minutes, I encourage you to check out this attached article, written from the perspective of a 30-something single woman in the last couple years. (She is now married.)
I think that its a SUPER call for single people and married people to forget about their "status" and simply serve. Which (most days) is my motto as well.
For the hesitant - here is an excerpt:
Had I any vague premonition of my present plight when I was six, I would have demanded that Stephen Herbison (incontestably the catch of the second grade) put his marriage proposal into writing and have it notarized. I do want this piece to be practical, so to all you first-graders: CARPE DIEM.
Blessings.
Tiffani
Monday, February 21, 2005
Thursday, February 17, 2005
On self-absorbtion, pity parties and my life (with photos to follow)
Stink. I pressed a button and it refreshed my screen and I have to start over - and it involves cutting and pasting and self-examination and my coaches all return in 10 minutes.....
Bummer. (incidentally, its now happened twice - I'm not a super big fan of Windows service pack 2 and how it blocks pop-ups, when i already have the google toolbar which also blocks pop-ups and they have now BOTH reloaded my page - but the second time I got wise and copied the three lines I had written!)
But on to better things.
Thursdays are a great day. There's a team meeting (which I am not going to regularly this semester) and so I get an hour of uninterrupted time in my office to catch up on whatever I choose (today its "life") - unless Kess is downstairs emailing me. Additionally, I have lunch with one of my gals, I talk to Karen Ferg. in the AM before work and its almost Friday. Great day.
So today I am catching up on writing (which I've been meaning to do for some time) and on reading the blogs of my friends to catch up with them:
Leah: http://freetohope.blogspot.com/
Bethany: http://www.sunshineinmypocket.com/blog.htm
Jenn: http://brokentoheal.blogspot.com/
Leah is a lot like me - she'll update for a number of days in a row, then not for a couple weeks as life spins, Bethany is a frequent blogger - sometimes a couple lines multi-daily, Jenn also is a great writer and prolific though it looks like she hasn't written in 2 weeks.
But back to me.... (I crack myself up). Thats what I'm writing about today. Too much me. "My will", "My thoughts", "My friends", "My way", etc. You get the point.
I read a note by Leah where she talked about self-absorbtion and I thought, "That's it - what a great way to describe it." Because at some level I'm letting my absorbtion with myself (understandable in a natural way, being sick, looking for a new job, etc) steal my joy in other people's lives and happiness and rather than having parties because other people are getting jobs or boyfriends, etc... I'm having little pity parties for myself.
So in BSF last week we studied the second half of 1st Corinthians - ch.8-16. And the lecture was the best (I think) this year. All about how Paul's message is simply this: love your neighbor. If we choose to love our neighbor we won't care about losing our rights to help them not stumble. If we choose to love our neighbor we'll be clear and speak truth even though it might sting. If we choose to love our neighbor then all of our actions will bear fruit - rather than being in vain. It was good for me to hear.
Well, in the notes there was a section on 1Cor13, the famous "love" chapter - you've heard it: love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast..... etc. The notes said (paraphrase): "Which of these characteristics are true of you? Are you patient in troubling circumstances? Are you kind to others in times in which you are struggling to be patient? Are you jealous? Are you boastful? Are you arrogant? Do you rejoice in other people's pain, or when bad things happen to them? Do you rejoice with your friends when good things happen to them - even when they aren't happening to you?"
Anyway, it was something like that.... and I was convicted. I have not been patient, nor kind in these last weeks as I struggle with recovering from this cold and trying to get my life under control (which I have been endeavoring to do for nigh about 4 months...) and find a job I like and want to do. I haven't rejoiced in people's pain, but I also have certainly not rejoiced in their joy, and I can't even say that I'm not boastful, arrogant or jealous.
What a portrait. So on that note, I am committing for today to be joyful, to let the joy of the Lord be my strength, and to express joy for other people - because I DO love them and I want to share the love that I have with them. And I don't want my work to be in vain simply because I'm pitying my own life situation.
So there, I said it and now I have to do it. Yikes. We'll see how it goes.
Much love to you!
Bummer. (incidentally, its now happened twice - I'm not a super big fan of Windows service pack 2 and how it blocks pop-ups, when i already have the google toolbar which also blocks pop-ups and they have now BOTH reloaded my page - but the second time I got wise and copied the three lines I had written!)
But on to better things.
Thursdays are a great day. There's a team meeting (which I am not going to regularly this semester) and so I get an hour of uninterrupted time in my office to catch up on whatever I choose (today its "life") - unless Kess is downstairs emailing me. Additionally, I have lunch with one of my gals, I talk to Karen Ferg. in the AM before work and its almost Friday. Great day.
So today I am catching up on writing (which I've been meaning to do for some time) and on reading the blogs of my friends to catch up with them:
Leah: http://freetohope.blogspot.com/
Bethany: http://www.sunshineinmypocket.com/blog.htm
Jenn: http://brokentoheal.blogspot.com/
Leah is a lot like me - she'll update for a number of days in a row, then not for a couple weeks as life spins, Bethany is a frequent blogger - sometimes a couple lines multi-daily, Jenn also is a great writer and prolific though it looks like she hasn't written in 2 weeks.
But back to me.... (I crack myself up). Thats what I'm writing about today. Too much me. "My will", "My thoughts", "My friends", "My way", etc. You get the point.
I read a note by Leah where she talked about self-absorbtion and I thought, "That's it - what a great way to describe it." Because at some level I'm letting my absorbtion with myself (understandable in a natural way, being sick, looking for a new job, etc) steal my joy in other people's lives and happiness and rather than having parties because other people are getting jobs or boyfriends, etc... I'm having little pity parties for myself.
So in BSF last week we studied the second half of 1st Corinthians - ch.8-16. And the lecture was the best (I think) this year. All about how Paul's message is simply this: love your neighbor. If we choose to love our neighbor we won't care about losing our rights to help them not stumble. If we choose to love our neighbor we'll be clear and speak truth even though it might sting. If we choose to love our neighbor then all of our actions will bear fruit - rather than being in vain. It was good for me to hear.
Well, in the notes there was a section on 1Cor13, the famous "love" chapter - you've heard it: love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast..... etc. The notes said (paraphrase): "Which of these characteristics are true of you? Are you patient in troubling circumstances? Are you kind to others in times in which you are struggling to be patient? Are you jealous? Are you boastful? Are you arrogant? Do you rejoice in other people's pain, or when bad things happen to them? Do you rejoice with your friends when good things happen to them - even when they aren't happening to you?"
Anyway, it was something like that.... and I was convicted. I have not been patient, nor kind in these last weeks as I struggle with recovering from this cold and trying to get my life under control (which I have been endeavoring to do for nigh about 4 months...) and find a job I like and want to do. I haven't rejoiced in people's pain, but I also have certainly not rejoiced in their joy, and I can't even say that I'm not boastful, arrogant or jealous.
What a portrait. So on that note, I am committing for today to be joyful, to let the joy of the Lord be my strength, and to express joy for other people - because I DO love them and I want to share the love that I have with them. And I don't want my work to be in vain simply because I'm pitying my own life situation.
So there, I said it and now I have to do it. Yikes. We'll see how it goes.
Much love to you!
A letter to Justin (edited to protect the innocent)
Hi Justin,
There are moments when I wished you lived in the states so I could call you at a moment’s notice and tell you I’m thinking of you! A lot of them happen while watching any film starring Hugh Grant (and by the way, he has been in many films so I see him a LOT!).
Tonight I was about to go to bed and work on my bible study, but allowed myself 30 minutes of the movie “Love Actually” on Cinemax (its on all the time right now, and so I’m always seeing bits and pieces of it) – which I like more each time I see a bit of it – very true, and awkward and bittersweet. So 30 minutes came and went and I watched for 5 more till the next scene with Hugh and the gal that works for him… at the end he says, (referring to a portrait of Margaret Thatcher) “Did you ever have this problem?... Of course you did, you saucy minx.” And I laughed out loud because it’s so much like you and I am so blessed by that line – every time I hear that line and see his face I think of you and smile.
All that to say that I wrote it down so I could email you and wouldn’t lose the thought. I don’t even know how to write you a paper letter if such things were acceptable in the technological age. I do hope you are well. I haven’t heard from you lately, but we’ve both been busy.
My life ticks along with little change and yet huge changes looming. I’m not sure what I want to do with my life, and even when part of me says, “be married and have lots of little tiffanis”… I realize that I don’t even know who I’d want to do that with! And so I’m taking the next few days as an exercise in discerning what I want to do with my life…… and hoping I have some vision and direction by the end of it!
Are you still dating the gal from the spring? From DC? How does that work with you overseas? If not, is there anyone new? How do you like your new digs? What are they like? How is Malaysia different from ‘Nam?
{EDIT}
And so watching “you” on TV tonight is a joy because you are witty and funny and like me for who I am. And you’ve always made me feel valuable and smart. But mostly it’s a joy because YOU’RE valuable and smart but too far away for me to enjoy your company regularly except by pretending that Hugh is you. And Hugh – though he is no Justin – is an alright substitute on your behalf. Because he certainly does make me laugh.
But the fact remains that he ISN’T you, and that I miss you. And I know Barb does, too. And I miss Barb.
Thanks for making me smile tonight. Not as good as you being here, but it should bring some comfort to all of us that I can simply think of you and it makes me smile, laugh and remember good times.
Love, your friend from the muddy cornfields, Tiff
There are moments when I wished you lived in the states so I could call you at a moment’s notice and tell you I’m thinking of you! A lot of them happen while watching any film starring Hugh Grant (and by the way, he has been in many films so I see him a LOT!).
Tonight I was about to go to bed and work on my bible study, but allowed myself 30 minutes of the movie “Love Actually” on Cinemax (its on all the time right now, and so I’m always seeing bits and pieces of it) – which I like more each time I see a bit of it – very true, and awkward and bittersweet. So 30 minutes came and went and I watched for 5 more till the next scene with Hugh and the gal that works for him… at the end he says, (referring to a portrait of Margaret Thatcher) “Did you ever have this problem?... Of course you did, you saucy minx.” And I laughed out loud because it’s so much like you and I am so blessed by that line – every time I hear that line and see his face I think of you and smile.
All that to say that I wrote it down so I could email you and wouldn’t lose the thought. I don’t even know how to write you a paper letter if such things were acceptable in the technological age. I do hope you are well. I haven’t heard from you lately, but we’ve both been busy.
My life ticks along with little change and yet huge changes looming. I’m not sure what I want to do with my life, and even when part of me says, “be married and have lots of little tiffanis”… I realize that I don’t even know who I’d want to do that with! And so I’m taking the next few days as an exercise in discerning what I want to do with my life…… and hoping I have some vision and direction by the end of it!
Are you still dating the gal from the spring? From DC? How does that work with you overseas? If not, is there anyone new? How do you like your new digs? What are they like? How is Malaysia different from ‘Nam?
{EDIT}
And so watching “you” on TV tonight is a joy because you are witty and funny and like me for who I am. And you’ve always made me feel valuable and smart. But mostly it’s a joy because YOU’RE valuable and smart but too far away for me to enjoy your company regularly except by pretending that Hugh is you. And Hugh – though he is no Justin – is an alright substitute on your behalf. Because he certainly does make me laugh.
But the fact remains that he ISN’T you, and that I miss you. And I know Barb does, too. And I miss Barb.
Thanks for making me smile tonight. Not as good as you being here, but it should bring some comfort to all of us that I can simply think of you and it makes me smile, laugh and remember good times.
Love, your friend from the muddy cornfields, Tiff
Valentine's Day Post (a few days late)
For Valentine's Day, one of my favorite hymns. It speaks of God's love in a way that always leaves me in awe. By Frederick Lehman (1868-1953) and #78 in your BSF Leader's Hymnal...
The Love of God:
The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell,
It goes beyond the highest star
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave his Son to win:
His erring child He reconciled
And pardoned from his sin.
chorus:
The love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure -
The saints' and angels' song.
When years of time shall pass away
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall
When men, who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call,
God's love so sure shall still endure,
All measureless and strong:
Redeeming grace to Adam's race -
The saints' and angels' song.
chorus
(this next verse is my favorite, read and then really think about it)
Could we with ink the ocean fill
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were ev'ry stalk on earth a quill
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry,
Nor could the scroll contain the whole
Though stretched from sky to sky.
chorus
Seriously, as I consider those words I am amazed at God's love and how the composer captured the truth so well in those verse.
The apostle John said: "Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written." (John 21:25)
pretty awesome.
May you experience more of the Lord's love today than yesterday!
Tiffani
The Love of God:
The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell,
It goes beyond the highest star
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave his Son to win:
His erring child He reconciled
And pardoned from his sin.
chorus:
The love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure -
The saints' and angels' song.
When years of time shall pass away
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall
When men, who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call,
God's love so sure shall still endure,
All measureless and strong:
Redeeming grace to Adam's race -
The saints' and angels' song.
chorus
(this next verse is my favorite, read and then really think about it)
Could we with ink the ocean fill
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were ev'ry stalk on earth a quill
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry,
Nor could the scroll contain the whole
Though stretched from sky to sky.
chorus
Seriously, as I consider those words I am amazed at God's love and how the composer captured the truth so well in those verse.
The apostle John said: "Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written." (John 21:25)
pretty awesome.
May you experience more of the Lord's love today than yesterday!
Tiffani
Friday, February 04, 2005
I'm back (at least for a few minutes)
Little did I know when I wrote last time that I was about to be down and OUT for three work days and then recovering for a week.
I had a great (GREAT!) time in Texas over a long weekend (1/21-24). I got there on Thursday night and was greeted by the entire Fergason family - kids and all. The van was a cacophany of noises - "Tiff, I got an electric train for Christmas!", "Tiff, I got a new DVD", "Tiff, I'm hungry" - it was fantastic. I couldn't keep up with all the comments and I loved every minute of it.
We eventually arrived at the new Fergason mansion (I just like to call it that) and Andilyn showed me the entire place (she's 4 and did a super job on the tour). The next morning I awoke to amazing weather. We ran around outside (me wearing a t-shirt, shorts and flip-flops) playing tag for about an hour and enjoyed the warm weather. Friday was John and Karen's 10th anniversary and so after I got over my hysterical-ness (I can't believe I forgot it was their anniversary and that I came to visit!!).... Nick and Dorothy (Karen's folks) came over to babysit the kiddos and John, Karen and I went out for Tex-Mex on the San Antonio Riverfront. It was really good food, conversation and I was blessed to be a part of their anniversary! Saturday the girls (Karen, Andi and I) went shopping together while the boys went to the hardware store and the RC car track. Sunday I experienced their church, which I enjoyed, and we had a fun Sunday afternoon relaxing. I flew back on Monday after a nice time with Karen - eating breakfast at Mama's Cafe and visiting Target. Got back in St. Louis JUST IN TIME for BSF Monday night.
I'm blessed to have had a time to rest during this crazy time of transition here in the office. And I was thankful that Andi didn't get sick until the last day of my visit, and that I didn't come down with it until I got back and settled here.
The office has been kind of crazy as we try to keep up with recruiting and transition the coaches into doing what I've been doing for the last two years. I'm still working on all my normal stuff, but eventually we are actually going to assign my work to the coaches - so in the meantime I'm trying to get it all organized for easy transition and have learned that I'm still not as organized as I think I am!!
Finally, I'm re-reading Pride and Prejudice. There is SO much in that book that makes me laugh, and think. If you haven't read it.... do.
I have so much to tell you, so much going on. But I'm back in the swing of life now and I'll be writing more soon.
Until then - may the Lord bless you richly!
I had a great (GREAT!) time in Texas over a long weekend (1/21-24). I got there on Thursday night and was greeted by the entire Fergason family - kids and all. The van was a cacophany of noises - "Tiff, I got an electric train for Christmas!", "Tiff, I got a new DVD", "Tiff, I'm hungry" - it was fantastic. I couldn't keep up with all the comments and I loved every minute of it.
We eventually arrived at the new Fergason mansion (I just like to call it that) and Andilyn showed me the entire place (she's 4 and did a super job on the tour). The next morning I awoke to amazing weather. We ran around outside (me wearing a t-shirt, shorts and flip-flops) playing tag for about an hour and enjoyed the warm weather. Friday was John and Karen's 10th anniversary and so after I got over my hysterical-ness (I can't believe I forgot it was their anniversary and that I came to visit!!).... Nick and Dorothy (Karen's folks) came over to babysit the kiddos and John, Karen and I went out for Tex-Mex on the San Antonio Riverfront. It was really good food, conversation and I was blessed to be a part of their anniversary! Saturday the girls (Karen, Andi and I) went shopping together while the boys went to the hardware store and the RC car track. Sunday I experienced their church, which I enjoyed, and we had a fun Sunday afternoon relaxing. I flew back on Monday after a nice time with Karen - eating breakfast at Mama's Cafe and visiting Target. Got back in St. Louis JUST IN TIME for BSF Monday night.
I'm blessed to have had a time to rest during this crazy time of transition here in the office. And I was thankful that Andi didn't get sick until the last day of my visit, and that I didn't come down with it until I got back and settled here.
The office has been kind of crazy as we try to keep up with recruiting and transition the coaches into doing what I've been doing for the last two years. I'm still working on all my normal stuff, but eventually we are actually going to assign my work to the coaches - so in the meantime I'm trying to get it all organized for easy transition and have learned that I'm still not as organized as I think I am!!
Finally, I'm re-reading Pride and Prejudice. There is SO much in that book that makes me laugh, and think. If you haven't read it.... do.
I have so much to tell you, so much going on. But I'm back in the swing of life now and I'll be writing more soon.
Until then - may the Lord bless you richly!
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
too little... too late
Well, I always have good intentions. And then I start working and forget about everything outside my 6x6 office!
I am sick today and headed home to recoup. Hopefully I'll have a few minutes to give the bunches of updates that I want to share, and add some pics as well.
I had a GREAT time with the Fergasons this weekend.... who allowed me to come to TX to visit and celebrate their 10th anniversary with them........ :) They are gracious and great. And I'm grateful I didn't get sick until yesterday!
For now, God's blessings to you!
I am sick today and headed home to recoup. Hopefully I'll have a few minutes to give the bunches of updates that I want to share, and add some pics as well.
I had a GREAT time with the Fergasons this weekend.... who allowed me to come to TX to visit and celebrate their 10th anniversary with them........ :) They are gracious and great. And I'm grateful I didn't get sick until yesterday!
For now, God's blessings to you!
Monday, January 10, 2005
January Update
So its been a month (almost) since I've "blogged-on" (ok, that one made me laugh). I was in Phoenix and couldn't remember my user ID, nor the email address which I had registered under....
But finally today I gathered my exhaustive list of email addresses and figured it out.
Many areas to update today:
Holiday Vacation~
One of the best that I've had. I think as I grow older I enjoy my family even more than I did when I was younger. I was sick with a cold for most of my visit in Phoenix (and even sicker for my three days in Seattle) but I still had a good time. Mom and I did some shopping together, cooking and played a lot of Texas Hold'em together on the computer... while one of us played, the other pretended to be Phil Gordon from Celebrity Poker Showdown on Bravo - it was pretty funny. Dad and I spent a great afternoon looking at houses for a client - we got to walk through a couple framed houses while decifering floor plans. Ben and I had a couple good conversations (its hard to get minutes together with his work schedule). And my grandparents and I got "real close" as we sat together while looking at Christmas lights on Christmas eve.
I really enjoyed my time at home, watching movies and TV, reading a ton, sleeping and doing crossword puzzle together.
My time in Seattle was also great (despite losing my voice on day two). I enjoyed spending the evenings with Glo and Do, and got to visit with a lot of friends. Too much eating out for the waistline (!) but a great time to get caught up on people's lives.
Vocationally~
I am enjoying my return to my job, with my new head coach. He's just a couple years older than I am, and pretty "casual" but with a clear vision of where he wants to go. I will enjoy working with him this semester and transitioning them to "life without Tiffani" :)
I am preparing to look for some different opportunities to start in June/July either here at the college, or around the nation. As you think of me, please pray that I would have wisdom, patience and confidence in God during this process.
I feel tremendously at peace - even not knowing where I will be in 6 months. I have LOTS of offers of places to stay, if I leave Greenville, and I hope to take advantage of all of them.
We are also planning to include my salary as a "need" when we submit our next fundraising letter (my salary, as well as that of two other coaches). Our plan is to let the boosters know of our lack of funds to pay certain salaries and see if we are able to raise the money to keep one or all of us on staff. It will be interesting to see how the Lord works in that circumstance.
Ministry~
This week I will begin a two-week bible study with 6 or 7 girls on campus. Then we will regroup and begin again during spring semester, for the 13 weeks of spring (I hope). I believe we are going to study Colossians for this two-week period. Please pray that I would be sensitive to the needs of this group of women (they are freshmen-senior in ages) and that I would have Godly wisdom as I lead the study. It will be largely informal - reading together, discussing and then prayer. I am VERY excited to get "back into" more ministry now that we are fully in the football off-season.
I have continued (though the fall and now into spring) to mentor two women - Jenn and Maura. I am blessed by both of them - by their teachable spirits and desires to grow. I hope to continue in diligence to meet with them regularly (Jenn and I meet frequently "on the fly" and Maura and I meet weekly) and prepare them for the plans the Lord has for them this year and next.
Thats the most I can think of for now. I'm still reading Piper's "Future Grace" and will have some notes about that later tomorrow/Wednesday, and I'm still in BSF. Had a VERY fun New Year's Eve experience with some friends from BSF St. Louis Young Adults, and some of their friends - think "amazing race".... my team won, and so that was DOUBLE-Y fun.
Blessings to you and yours.
Love, Tiffani
But finally today I gathered my exhaustive list of email addresses and figured it out.
Many areas to update today:
Holiday Vacation~
One of the best that I've had. I think as I grow older I enjoy my family even more than I did when I was younger. I was sick with a cold for most of my visit in Phoenix (and even sicker for my three days in Seattle) but I still had a good time. Mom and I did some shopping together, cooking and played a lot of Texas Hold'em together on the computer... while one of us played, the other pretended to be Phil Gordon from Celebrity Poker Showdown on Bravo - it was pretty funny. Dad and I spent a great afternoon looking at houses for a client - we got to walk through a couple framed houses while decifering floor plans. Ben and I had a couple good conversations (its hard to get minutes together with his work schedule). And my grandparents and I got "real close" as we sat together while looking at Christmas lights on Christmas eve.
I really enjoyed my time at home, watching movies and TV, reading a ton, sleeping and doing crossword puzzle together.
My time in Seattle was also great (despite losing my voice on day two). I enjoyed spending the evenings with Glo and Do, and got to visit with a lot of friends. Too much eating out for the waistline (!) but a great time to get caught up on people's lives.
Vocationally~
I am enjoying my return to my job, with my new head coach. He's just a couple years older than I am, and pretty "casual" but with a clear vision of where he wants to go. I will enjoy working with him this semester and transitioning them to "life without Tiffani" :)
I am preparing to look for some different opportunities to start in June/July either here at the college, or around the nation. As you think of me, please pray that I would have wisdom, patience and confidence in God during this process.
I feel tremendously at peace - even not knowing where I will be in 6 months. I have LOTS of offers of places to stay, if I leave Greenville, and I hope to take advantage of all of them.
We are also planning to include my salary as a "need" when we submit our next fundraising letter (my salary, as well as that of two other coaches). Our plan is to let the boosters know of our lack of funds to pay certain salaries and see if we are able to raise the money to keep one or all of us on staff. It will be interesting to see how the Lord works in that circumstance.
Ministry~
This week I will begin a two-week bible study with 6 or 7 girls on campus. Then we will regroup and begin again during spring semester, for the 13 weeks of spring (I hope). I believe we are going to study Colossians for this two-week period. Please pray that I would be sensitive to the needs of this group of women (they are freshmen-senior in ages) and that I would have Godly wisdom as I lead the study. It will be largely informal - reading together, discussing and then prayer. I am VERY excited to get "back into" more ministry now that we are fully in the football off-season.
I have continued (though the fall and now into spring) to mentor two women - Jenn and Maura. I am blessed by both of them - by their teachable spirits and desires to grow. I hope to continue in diligence to meet with them regularly (Jenn and I meet frequently "on the fly" and Maura and I meet weekly) and prepare them for the plans the Lord has for them this year and next.
Thats the most I can think of for now. I'm still reading Piper's "Future Grace" and will have some notes about that later tomorrow/Wednesday, and I'm still in BSF. Had a VERY fun New Year's Eve experience with some friends from BSF St. Louis Young Adults, and some of their friends - think "amazing race".... my team won, and so that was DOUBLE-Y fun.
Blessings to you and yours.
Love, Tiffani
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
sad.
Just sad today.
For those of you out there who get my "regular" updates, and so occasionally pray for me. You can pray about this.
sad.
I spoke with my mom just now. I'm so glad to be going home on Monday. Right now home feels like my safest haven. Where I can "escape" the various life changes that are occuring and hunker down in the big chair (I cried on the phone, so I think mom's sympathy will kick in and I'll get her chair for a day or so) and watch movies on the big TV, read on the patio and forget about real life for a little bit.
Now that the dam has broke on the tears, I think I may just keep crying a little all day. That's disturbing. Makes it hard to type, and my contacts are dry enough as it is...this isn't so helpful.
And its not helpful to know that some people (and even myself) would say, "Its not a sad time!" (because its not) "this is an exciting time!" (because it is) Because I can't put my finger on the exact sad points.
But I mostly think (and maybe I'm lying) that I'm simply tired. Last year I got to this point almost every Sunday durin the fall, and particularly the last Sunday of the season. By then I just couldn't hold it together any more. This season I've had to hold it together longer, knowing about Kess' announcement, trying to be bright for the guys, and confident so that they would be.
I imagine its often exhausting to be a parent and "never let them see you sweat".
I will sleep a lot when I get home I believe.
And I'm grateful for BSF and Hebrews. Because more than anything as I experience this time of change I remember that we have had GOOD times together here, but that the Lord did not intend for this to be the "be all end all" experience for any of us.
Its just a shadow of the things to come, on earth and in heaven.
I can't wait for heaven.
be blessed. T
For those of you out there who get my "regular" updates, and so occasionally pray for me. You can pray about this.
sad.
I spoke with my mom just now. I'm so glad to be going home on Monday. Right now home feels like my safest haven. Where I can "escape" the various life changes that are occuring and hunker down in the big chair (I cried on the phone, so I think mom's sympathy will kick in and I'll get her chair for a day or so) and watch movies on the big TV, read on the patio and forget about real life for a little bit.
Now that the dam has broke on the tears, I think I may just keep crying a little all day. That's disturbing. Makes it hard to type, and my contacts are dry enough as it is...this isn't so helpful.
And its not helpful to know that some people (and even myself) would say, "Its not a sad time!" (because its not) "this is an exciting time!" (because it is) Because I can't put my finger on the exact sad points.
But I mostly think (and maybe I'm lying) that I'm simply tired. Last year I got to this point almost every Sunday durin the fall, and particularly the last Sunday of the season. By then I just couldn't hold it together any more. This season I've had to hold it together longer, knowing about Kess' announcement, trying to be bright for the guys, and confident so that they would be.
I imagine its often exhausting to be a parent and "never let them see you sweat".
I will sleep a lot when I get home I believe.
And I'm grateful for BSF and Hebrews. Because more than anything as I experience this time of change I remember that we have had GOOD times together here, but that the Lord did not intend for this to be the "be all end all" experience for any of us.
Its just a shadow of the things to come, on earth and in heaven.
I can't wait for heaven.
be blessed. T
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Of Shadows and Smallness (part 2)
So I'm studying Hebrews right now - in BSF. I'm enjoying it a ton and grateful for Leah who helps me to make it there and back each week (!).
Last week we dove into chapters 6-10 of this deep book. It was all about how Christ is superior. A superior sacrifice (once for all vs. continuous), a superior priest (always lives to intercede vs. will die), a superior sanctuary (one where we can approach the most holy place with confidence vs. one only accessible to the high priest) and a superior covenant (one that depends not on human action, but God alone and that promises total forgiveness forever).
But it was also about how all those previous pieces (priests, sanctuaries, sacrifices, etc) were all shadows compared to the real thing. They were important and had value - most particularly, though, in pointing to the fact that something real did exist.
Well since then I've seen more and more shadows in the Old Testament - i.e. manna from heaven, water from the rock, etc. There are a ton.
And today I thought about all the men I've "liked" in my life. None of them has been, yet, the one I'm going to marry. But I believe I will get married (even as I approach the mid-way point of my 31st year). But they've all been shadows of the one I will marry. Each a little "more" like who I'd like to be with for day-to-day life, but none of them "it."
Its a relief somewhat, and helps me to say "he's just a shadow" when I feel the sting of unrequited affection (which I still feel regularly for a guy friend of mine). He's a shadow. He points to the real thing - he has many characteristics of the man I'm praying for. But the shadow simply is a reminder that the real thing - better in so many ways for its 3-dimensions, color and "self" - is out there and I simply need to look.
So that's one area the Lord has taken care of for me, or rather - one area I can recognize He's taken care of for me.
Now if I only knew what I wanted to do with my life, and how to do it. No biggie. :)
God is in the heavens, he will do as he pleases. Thankfully scripture doesn't leave it at that. "God's whim" - but it also says "He will work all things together for good, for those who love him and are called according to his purposes."
So I need not fear. But I will ask God to be small enough to hear me, tonight.
Love, Tiffani
Last week we dove into chapters 6-10 of this deep book. It was all about how Christ is superior. A superior sacrifice (once for all vs. continuous), a superior priest (always lives to intercede vs. will die), a superior sanctuary (one where we can approach the most holy place with confidence vs. one only accessible to the high priest) and a superior covenant (one that depends not on human action, but God alone and that promises total forgiveness forever).
But it was also about how all those previous pieces (priests, sanctuaries, sacrifices, etc) were all shadows compared to the real thing. They were important and had value - most particularly, though, in pointing to the fact that something real did exist.
Well since then I've seen more and more shadows in the Old Testament - i.e. manna from heaven, water from the rock, etc. There are a ton.
And today I thought about all the men I've "liked" in my life. None of them has been, yet, the one I'm going to marry. But I believe I will get married (even as I approach the mid-way point of my 31st year). But they've all been shadows of the one I will marry. Each a little "more" like who I'd like to be with for day-to-day life, but none of them "it."
Its a relief somewhat, and helps me to say "he's just a shadow" when I feel the sting of unrequited affection (which I still feel regularly for a guy friend of mine). He's a shadow. He points to the real thing - he has many characteristics of the man I'm praying for. But the shadow simply is a reminder that the real thing - better in so many ways for its 3-dimensions, color and "self" - is out there and I simply need to look.
So that's one area the Lord has taken care of for me, or rather - one area I can recognize He's taken care of for me.
Now if I only knew what I wanted to do with my life, and how to do it. No biggie. :)
God is in the heavens, he will do as he pleases. Thankfully scripture doesn't leave it at that. "God's whim" - but it also says "He will work all things together for good, for those who love him and are called according to his purposes."
So I need not fear. But I will ask God to be small enough to hear me, tonight.
Love, Tiffani
Of Shadows and Smallness (part 1)
This song (below) speaks to me often, but especially right now as I try to find my way in what seems like darkness. I hope that it will minister to you as it does to me. Its my prayer tonight.
Nicole Nordeman "Small Enough" (with Fernando Ortega)
Oh Great God, be small enough to hear me now.
There were times when I was crying from the dark of Daniel’s den,
And I have asked you once or twice if you would part the sea again.
Tonight I do not need a fiery pillar in the sky;
Just want to know you’re gonna hold me if I start to cry.
Oh Great God, be small enough to hear me now.
Oh Great God, be close enough to feel you now.
There have been moments when I could not face Goliath on my own.
And how could I forget we marched around our share of Jerichos?
But I will not be setting out a fleece for you tonight;
Just want to know that everything will be alright.
Oh Great God, be close enough to feel you now.
All praise and all the honor be to the God of ancient mysteries.
Whose every sign and wonder turn the pages of our histories.
But tonight my heart is heavy and I cannot keep from whispering this prayer:
“Are you there?”
And I know you could leave writing on the wall that’s just for me.
Or send wisdom while I’m sleeping like in Solomon’s sweet dreams.
But I don’t need the strength of Sampson or a chariot in the air;
Just want to know that you still know how many hairs are on my head.
Oh Great God, be small enough to hear me now.
Nicole Nordeman "Small Enough" (with Fernando Ortega)
Oh Great God, be small enough to hear me now.
There were times when I was crying from the dark of Daniel’s den,
And I have asked you once or twice if you would part the sea again.
Tonight I do not need a fiery pillar in the sky;
Just want to know you’re gonna hold me if I start to cry.
Oh Great God, be small enough to hear me now.
Oh Great God, be close enough to feel you now.
There have been moments when I could not face Goliath on my own.
And how could I forget we marched around our share of Jerichos?
But I will not be setting out a fleece for you tonight;
Just want to know that everything will be alright.
Oh Great God, be close enough to feel you now.
All praise and all the honor be to the God of ancient mysteries.
Whose every sign and wonder turn the pages of our histories.
But tonight my heart is heavy and I cannot keep from whispering this prayer:
“Are you there?”
And I know you could leave writing on the wall that’s just for me.
Or send wisdom while I’m sleeping like in Solomon’s sweet dreams.
But I don’t need the strength of Sampson or a chariot in the air;
Just want to know that you still know how many hairs are on my head.
Oh Great God, be small enough to hear me now.
Saturday, December 04, 2004
This Week in History
1) Its after midnight on Friday. One week after Thanksgiving. Four days after Kess announced his resignation. The campus is in shock, the kids are a little dismayed.
And I don't know where I will go or what I will do.
2) I am going to the Dahnke's Christmas tree farm and I'm looking forward to it - even though I'm going alone. Good car time to think and make calls. Good family to visit, who will give me a hug and welcome me as their own daughter.
3) I'm big into "numbering" this week.
4) I got a TON of stuff done this week - bulk mailing to 2000 recruits, worked on getting the addresses ready for mailing to 400 coaches and the high schools of our players (dave helped me a ton here), letters for the player's school mailing written and cross referenced the lists. Only transcribed 1/2 of two tapes though.. got to get on that on Sunday, I guess (or tomorrow after I return)
5) Bought some pictures from Photoworks (don't like their new site as much, fyi, and why is there no more black/white?!?) for a Christmas project. Now all I need is spray adhesive and I'm set.
6) OK, its 12:43, and I'm not productively "blogging" - just rambling. Maybe I'll post tomorrow (but no numbering) and try to dialogue about what its like to try and reassure the kids that all will be ok (which it will, for the record, God is faithful) and at the same time look for a job. Weird.
Love, Tiffani
And I don't know where I will go or what I will do.
2) I am going to the Dahnke's Christmas tree farm and I'm looking forward to it - even though I'm going alone. Good car time to think and make calls. Good family to visit, who will give me a hug and welcome me as their own daughter.
3) I'm big into "numbering" this week.
4) I got a TON of stuff done this week - bulk mailing to 2000 recruits, worked on getting the addresses ready for mailing to 400 coaches and the high schools of our players (dave helped me a ton here), letters for the player's school mailing written and cross referenced the lists. Only transcribed 1/2 of two tapes though.. got to get on that on Sunday, I guess (or tomorrow after I return)
5) Bought some pictures from Photoworks (don't like their new site as much, fyi, and why is there no more black/white?!?) for a Christmas project. Now all I need is spray adhesive and I'm set.
6) OK, its 12:43, and I'm not productively "blogging" - just rambling. Maybe I'll post tomorrow (but no numbering) and try to dialogue about what its like to try and reassure the kids that all will be ok (which it will, for the record, God is faithful) and at the same time look for a job. Weird.
Love, Tiffani
Thanksgiving reflections
1) I am thankful. Period. Simply thankful for it all.
2) Thanksgiving Day 2004 ranks in the top 5 of history for me, I think (I sort of "rolled" all the 'normal' family thanksgivings into "one", and all the times at Anne's family's into one)
speaking of that, here are some fun historical thanksgiving memories (in NO order):
a) ben losing his two front teeth when we were playing circus on the bunk beds.
b) making apple pies with anne and ginny
c) cooking with my mom and eating outside with glo and donna on the PATIO (last year)
d) hanging out with my friends (this year) and watching TV's and Movies while we ate
3) It was so fun to have my (local) friends here - well, a lot of them, for Thanksgiving. Laura and Andy, Kess, Dave, Steve Moore (not my cousin, the coach) and Dave's brother Brandon even for a short time. We made it a great time. Watched Elf, watched football, watched Bad Company (pretty funny movie with Chris Rock). Ate LOTS of food, ate LOTS of dessert (yum!!) - and the evening lasted until late into the night. Fun and relaxing.
4) I think I slept (on average) about 9+ hours per night the whole weekend. It was great, but I made myself want to stay up late and sleep in, so its been a tough week.
I wouldn't have traded that Thanksgiving memory for anything in the world. And, she notes sadly to herself, I didn't get a picture.
Love, T
2) Thanksgiving Day 2004 ranks in the top 5 of history for me, I think (I sort of "rolled" all the 'normal' family thanksgivings into "one", and all the times at Anne's family's into one)
speaking of that, here are some fun historical thanksgiving memories (in NO order):
a) ben losing his two front teeth when we were playing circus on the bunk beds.
b) making apple pies with anne and ginny
c) cooking with my mom and eating outside with glo and donna on the PATIO (last year)
d) hanging out with my friends (this year) and watching TV's and Movies while we ate
3) It was so fun to have my (local) friends here - well, a lot of them, for Thanksgiving. Laura and Andy, Kess, Dave, Steve Moore (not my cousin, the coach) and Dave's brother Brandon even for a short time. We made it a great time. Watched Elf, watched football, watched Bad Company (pretty funny movie with Chris Rock). Ate LOTS of food, ate LOTS of dessert (yum!!) - and the evening lasted until late into the night. Fun and relaxing.
4) I think I slept (on average) about 9+ hours per night the whole weekend. It was great, but I made myself want to stay up late and sleep in, so its been a tough week.
I wouldn't have traded that Thanksgiving memory for anything in the world. And, she notes sadly to herself, I didn't get a picture.
Love, T
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Peace Like a River (and other BSF revelations)
First, let me say that I'm grateful for Rana. (some of you know her) She speaks truth to me. Last night she in particular spoke truth and it was the beginning of the revelations I had at BSF last night. Grateful for that woman!
Second, BSF continues to be incredible for me. I missed last year a ton. Not that I didn't grow last year (!) but I am glad at how the lessons continue to meet me where I'm at every week.
Here are my two revelations:
1) The question was "How do you squander your time in the wilderness of mediocrity by not believing what God has promised because of your unbelief?"
To me (once I figured out the question) I realized that if I truly (truly) believed God's promises I could "stop". Stop working, stop striving, stop trying to make things work the way I think they should work. That I live in the "wilderness of mediocrity" - instead of being GREAT - because I don't believe.
2) Follow that up with the Sabbath-rest for the people of God. Which made me think. God promises a spiritual rest (salvation), a physical rest (heavenly) - but ALSO we can have God's REST even now. As we believe (see #1), and we ACT in belief, we have REST for our soul.
Peace like a river.
Even in the midst of the twists, turns, falls, a river continues on its way... because it knows it's destination - and its destination doesn't change. Despite rapids, droughts, pouring into lakes, draining out... it continues steadfastly.
I realized that I don't always have peace like a river. Nor do I always believe I can have it. But I can, and Lord willing... I will "work" to keep it.
Love, Tiffani
Second, BSF continues to be incredible for me. I missed last year a ton. Not that I didn't grow last year (!) but I am glad at how the lessons continue to meet me where I'm at every week.
Here are my two revelations:
1) The question was "How do you squander your time in the wilderness of mediocrity by not believing what God has promised because of your unbelief?"
To me (once I figured out the question) I realized that if I truly (truly) believed God's promises I could "stop". Stop working, stop striving, stop trying to make things work the way I think they should work. That I live in the "wilderness of mediocrity" - instead of being GREAT - because I don't believe.
2) Follow that up with the Sabbath-rest for the people of God. Which made me think. God promises a spiritual rest (salvation), a physical rest (heavenly) - but ALSO we can have God's REST even now. As we believe (see #1), and we ACT in belief, we have REST for our soul.
Peace like a river.
Even in the midst of the twists, turns, falls, a river continues on its way... because it knows it's destination - and its destination doesn't change. Despite rapids, droughts, pouring into lakes, draining out... it continues steadfastly.
I realized that I don't always have peace like a river. Nor do I always believe I can have it. But I can, and Lord willing... I will "work" to keep it.
Love, Tiffani
Sunday, November 21, 2004
Late on a Saturday Night
Quick Tiffani Update:
Spiritually - feeling OK. had regular bible study time this week, regular prayer, good talks about lots of topics.
Physically - the season has caught up with me. I feel (whisper) fat. But I worked out three times this week, hope to do at least as much next week. And I feel super rested today after sleeping over nine hours last night. but now i'm up at 12:30... so that might not be good for tomorrow.
Emotionally - pretty fair. probably a 6.75 on a 10, which is slightly low, but not bad.
Financially - much better now that my checkbook is up to date after three months... yikes. it only took 2.5 hours, with maybe 30 minutes more tomorrow for current stuff. but that's a load off my mind.
Technologically - out of control, in a good way. been taking my work computer home with me to do some transcription work on the side for the AD, today figured out how to hook up my phone line so I could log on to the internet from my living room (instead of on my main computer in my bed room).
Weird Fact: and frankly.. i don't know how this can be. but i'm watching NBC and they are showing CSI (old one) which is normally on CBS. Funny.
Last night I recieved the quarterly "World Vision" magazine. I confess that often I don't have a minute to devote to it, but last night I did and I read it almost cover to cover before going to bed. I've sponsored a WV child (Stephen Pole, from Uganda) for a number of years now and I enjoyed reading last night about the various World Vision ministries and workers.
I was inspired by the cover story on the beatitudes and the profiles of WV workers for each beatitude. And excited to learn that I could communicate with Stephen now via email (the letters you send on email are transcribed into the appropriate language and given to the child)!!
Here follows some "excerpts" from the magazine written by Rev. Tim Dearborn, PhD (world vision; pp 12-23, world vision press):
* for more information on world vision and child sponsorship, check out www.worldvision.org.
Blessed are the Poor in Spirit:
Our experience of life in Christ begins as we recognize our need. We cannot turn to our material successes, our personal accomplishments, or our spiritual piety. The Gospel proclaims that this recognition can lead us through the doorway to blessedness, where joy and suffering can exist simultaneously.
Blessed are the Meek:
Meekness is one of the most misunderstood moral qualities. In our society, a meek person is a spineless weakling. Actually, Jesus uses a word that expresses the relinquishment of all illusion and control. Those who know their utter dependance on God, and are trained to trust God in all things, know that they have nothing to lose.
Blessed are those who Hunger:
Life in the kingdom is described as a banquet, a perpetual feast to which all are welcome but to which only those who know their hunger come. The Gospel promises that God feeds those who hunger for righteousness - the holiness and justice that will cure the suffering of our world.
Blessed are the Pure in Heart:
Only when we live with nothing to hide can we experience blessedness. We need no longer linger in the darkness, for we have come completely into the light. We are set free to stand joyously before God when we know that in mercy, he has cleansed our shameful sin with the goodness of Christ.
______
"We are set free to stand joyously before God when we know that in mercy, he has cleansed our shameful sin with the goodness of Christ."
"he has cleansed our shameful sin with the goodness of Christ"
what blessed words. the beatitudes show us that we must first recognize our need (become poor in spirit) and that through the process of Christ cleansing our shameful sin we are transformed into the "pure in heart" - who rejoice so joyfully in our cleansing that we overflow into gratitude and praise of Christ and in doing so bring others along for the journey.
Christ has cleansed my shameful sin.
Do you have shameful secrets? embarassing truths? sin? I can relate. I did, and sometimes do still.
If you do, please allow me to introduce you to Jesus - the only one who can truly make you clean and whole, and who is only waiting for you to recognize your need to BE clean and whole to do it.
I'm off to sleep now. I've already seen the CSI. Its sad, but satisfying. I spent a GREAT day today, being productive at "work life" and also enjoying time with Leah, and then Heather and her mom - and had a great talk with MY mom on the phone today, to boot. Satisfaction.
But nothing compared to the satisfaction in my soul.
Love, Tiffani
Spiritually - feeling OK. had regular bible study time this week, regular prayer, good talks about lots of topics.
Physically - the season has caught up with me. I feel (whisper) fat. But I worked out three times this week, hope to do at least as much next week. And I feel super rested today after sleeping over nine hours last night. but now i'm up at 12:30... so that might not be good for tomorrow.
Emotionally - pretty fair. probably a 6.75 on a 10, which is slightly low, but not bad.
Financially - much better now that my checkbook is up to date after three months... yikes. it only took 2.5 hours, with maybe 30 minutes more tomorrow for current stuff. but that's a load off my mind.
Technologically - out of control, in a good way. been taking my work computer home with me to do some transcription work on the side for the AD, today figured out how to hook up my phone line so I could log on to the internet from my living room (instead of on my main computer in my bed room).
Weird Fact: and frankly.. i don't know how this can be. but i'm watching NBC and they are showing CSI (old one) which is normally on CBS. Funny.
Last night I recieved the quarterly "World Vision" magazine. I confess that often I don't have a minute to devote to it, but last night I did and I read it almost cover to cover before going to bed. I've sponsored a WV child (Stephen Pole, from Uganda) for a number of years now and I enjoyed reading last night about the various World Vision ministries and workers.
I was inspired by the cover story on the beatitudes and the profiles of WV workers for each beatitude. And excited to learn that I could communicate with Stephen now via email (the letters you send on email are transcribed into the appropriate language and given to the child)!!
Here follows some "excerpts" from the magazine written by Rev. Tim Dearborn, PhD (world vision; pp 12-23, world vision press):
* for more information on world vision and child sponsorship, check out www.worldvision.org.
Blessed are the Poor in Spirit:
Our experience of life in Christ begins as we recognize our need. We cannot turn to our material successes, our personal accomplishments, or our spiritual piety. The Gospel proclaims that this recognition can lead us through the doorway to blessedness, where joy and suffering can exist simultaneously.
Blessed are the Meek:
Meekness is one of the most misunderstood moral qualities. In our society, a meek person is a spineless weakling. Actually, Jesus uses a word that expresses the relinquishment of all illusion and control. Those who know their utter dependance on God, and are trained to trust God in all things, know that they have nothing to lose.
Blessed are those who Hunger:
Life in the kingdom is described as a banquet, a perpetual feast to which all are welcome but to which only those who know their hunger come. The Gospel promises that God feeds those who hunger for righteousness - the holiness and justice that will cure the suffering of our world.
Blessed are the Pure in Heart:
Only when we live with nothing to hide can we experience blessedness. We need no longer linger in the darkness, for we have come completely into the light. We are set free to stand joyously before God when we know that in mercy, he has cleansed our shameful sin with the goodness of Christ.
______
"We are set free to stand joyously before God when we know that in mercy, he has cleansed our shameful sin with the goodness of Christ."
"he has cleansed our shameful sin with the goodness of Christ"
what blessed words. the beatitudes show us that we must first recognize our need (become poor in spirit) and that through the process of Christ cleansing our shameful sin we are transformed into the "pure in heart" - who rejoice so joyfully in our cleansing that we overflow into gratitude and praise of Christ and in doing so bring others along for the journey.
Christ has cleansed my shameful sin.
Do you have shameful secrets? embarassing truths? sin? I can relate. I did, and sometimes do still.
If you do, please allow me to introduce you to Jesus - the only one who can truly make you clean and whole, and who is only waiting for you to recognize your need to BE clean and whole to do it.
I'm off to sleep now. I've already seen the CSI. Its sad, but satisfying. I spent a GREAT day today, being productive at "work life" and also enjoying time with Leah, and then Heather and her mom - and had a great talk with MY mom on the phone today, to boot. Satisfaction.
But nothing compared to the satisfaction in my soul.
Love, Tiffani
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Briefly
Briefly... because I'm leaving work in 7 minutes to go work out at home with Heather, and then I think we're planning to eat "thanksgiving dinner" in the DC.
Additionally... the AMAZING RACE starts tonight. SOOOO excited. :) Its shallow, maybe, to be excited about a TV show. But its my favorite.
Last Wednesday night I was blessed to be able to speak at an event called "Do You Think I'm Beautiful?" I was first of all moved to tears by Joy Wrigglesworth's talk on wanting to be loved in all of our "naturalness" (my word) - without makeup, fancy clothes and hair, as we are on the inside without dressing up the outside. And I was challenged by Sarah Luke, who spoke after me about "little-g" gods in our lives - the things that we hold on to that stop us from following God (in this case, our self-image, etc).
I spoke on words. How they bless and curse. The bible says the "power of death and life are in the tongue." How they've blessed me in my life, and how they've cursed me.
So many of us are torn to shreds by one word from someone else, that happens to hit the exact wrong place in our heart.
More about that tomorrow.
Gotta go do Tae-Bo.
:) Love, Tiffani
Additionally... the AMAZING RACE starts tonight. SOOOO excited. :) Its shallow, maybe, to be excited about a TV show. But its my favorite.
Last Wednesday night I was blessed to be able to speak at an event called "Do You Think I'm Beautiful?" I was first of all moved to tears by Joy Wrigglesworth's talk on wanting to be loved in all of our "naturalness" (my word) - without makeup, fancy clothes and hair, as we are on the inside without dressing up the outside. And I was challenged by Sarah Luke, who spoke after me about "little-g" gods in our lives - the things that we hold on to that stop us from following God (in this case, our self-image, etc).
I spoke on words. How they bless and curse. The bible says the "power of death and life are in the tongue." How they've blessed me in my life, and how they've cursed me.
So many of us are torn to shreds by one word from someone else, that happens to hit the exact wrong place in our heart.
More about that tomorrow.
Gotta go do Tae-Bo.
:) Love, Tiffani
Saturday, November 13, 2004
Last One
Quickly I write on the day of the last game of our 2004 season to say:
I love this team.
I love these men and who they are becoming.
I am so proud to be associated with them.
There are moments from this year - sad, touching and funny that I will take with me whether I remain at this place for 15 years or 5 months.
This team is unique and special and I can't understand why God would allow me to be a part of it.
May the Lord give us grace today as we face Wash. U.
Tiffani
I love this team.
I love these men and who they are becoming.
I am so proud to be associated with them.
There are moments from this year - sad, touching and funny that I will take with me whether I remain at this place for 15 years or 5 months.
This team is unique and special and I can't understand why God would allow me to be a part of it.
May the Lord give us grace today as we face Wash. U.
Tiffani
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
thoughts
Hebrews 10:35-36
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.
Because scripture is living and active, when you read it - - even if you've read a chapter or book multiple times, one verse or a series of them will JUMP out at you and make a difference for the day.
Thats why I like to have devotional time in the AM if possible - because then I have a verse that's with me all day.
There is a lot going on right now here in humble Greenville. This verse spoke to me in a surprising way. There is so much I am persevering through right now, and trying to live victoriously through it, and have confidence through it. I am encouraged (literally - made more courageous, infused with courage) to continue in my fight for the Lord's will to be done here and in my life.
There are many things I wish would happen, but I can see that I don't know the Lord's will yet, and I simply need to be CONFIDENT that his will WILL come to pass, and I can trust him. He will reward me (eternally, and maybe even on earth in my eyes) with gifts that are abundant.
And in the meantime he is making me a "SUPER-Conquerer" and I am grateful for the training.
Love today, Tiffani
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.
Because scripture is living and active, when you read it - - even if you've read a chapter or book multiple times, one verse or a series of them will JUMP out at you and make a difference for the day.
Thats why I like to have devotional time in the AM if possible - because then I have a verse that's with me all day.
There is a lot going on right now here in humble Greenville. This verse spoke to me in a surprising way. There is so much I am persevering through right now, and trying to live victoriously through it, and have confidence through it. I am encouraged (literally - made more courageous, infused with courage) to continue in my fight for the Lord's will to be done here and in my life.
There are many things I wish would happen, but I can see that I don't know the Lord's will yet, and I simply need to be CONFIDENT that his will WILL come to pass, and I can trust him. He will reward me (eternally, and maybe even on earth in my eyes) with gifts that are abundant.
And in the meantime he is making me a "SUPER-Conquerer" and I am grateful for the training.
Love today, Tiffani
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Visitors from Another Place
Nope, not aliens...
My friends Brian Burdon and Kristen Falkenberg!
Brian and Kristen came to visit this weekend as part of my "Come to Historic Greenville" campaign. (for more information email me!)
We had a GREAT time. Kristen drove in from K.C. on Friday night and we got some good "talking time" before we went to sleep. She picked up Brian in the AM from the airport, while I began working (game day, you know). They both helped me as we prepared for "Senior Day" (it was our last home game this year) AND "Jr. Comet Football Day" - which somehow all ended up occuring on the same day...
The game and day were a little more crazy than normal, but both B and K seemed to enjoy the hulabaloo of the day.
The game was REALLY fun (though I filmed the 2nd 1/2, so I didn't get to experience it with my pals) - and ended in a VICTORY for the Panthers (currently 3-5 on the season).
After the game we enjoyed Mario's Pizza at our house with some friends. What a treat. Church on Sunday and lunch at Farmer's (lots of good car time with my friends this weekend). A walk around Historic Greenville, and then BOBBY'S and a movie ("Ray") in Edwardsville.
side note: for those of you who visit... there is a sign advertising "Historic Greenville" at the edge of town... and it happens to be RIGHT in front of Chang's Chinese Restaurant and Buffet. Its important to note that Chang's does not necessarily comprise the entirety of historic Greenville... nor is it maybe even included in the area labeled "Historic Greenville".
I was exhausted at work on Monday morning, but not so exhausted that I didn't enjoy lunch with B and K at Chang's (see above), also accompanied by Dave and Kyle. We forgot our camera so there is no picture, sadly, of the "historic" event... :)
Kristen left shortly after and I took Brian to the airport on our way to BSF. I was sad to see them go, but SOOOO glad that they came to visit. I was COMPLETELY and TOTALLY blessed by their visit.
Last night at BSF we were studying the conclusion of Paul's first missionary journey (Acts 14). And the lesson/lecture/notes discussed how different Derbe was from the other towns that the apostles/disciples had visited. After being persecuted all across Cyprus and Turkey, they came to Derbe where they had rest from persectution.
The "principle" was that "As we work for Christ, He will give us rest and refreshing when we need it"
That principle was true in my life this weekend. Circumstances had come together to make me feel tired, overwhelmed, unsure of my future and more. And I was fighting as best as I knew how, within that context, and trying to allow the joy of the Lord to be my strength.
But the Lord knew better and gave me rest when I needed it.
Even though the visit took a lot out of me (sleep-wise), I feel emotionally refreshed and I'm grateful that "Tall Brian" and Kristen were a part of the working of the Lord to get me there.
I'll have pics up soon from their visit. :)
Love (off to the last v-ball game of the season), Tiff
My friends Brian Burdon and Kristen Falkenberg!
Brian and Kristen came to visit this weekend as part of my "Come to Historic Greenville" campaign. (for more information email me!)
We had a GREAT time. Kristen drove in from K.C. on Friday night and we got some good "talking time" before we went to sleep. She picked up Brian in the AM from the airport, while I began working (game day, you know). They both helped me as we prepared for "Senior Day" (it was our last home game this year) AND "Jr. Comet Football Day" - which somehow all ended up occuring on the same day...
The game and day were a little more crazy than normal, but both B and K seemed to enjoy the hulabaloo of the day.
The game was REALLY fun (though I filmed the 2nd 1/2, so I didn't get to experience it with my pals) - and ended in a VICTORY for the Panthers (currently 3-5 on the season).
After the game we enjoyed Mario's Pizza at our house with some friends. What a treat. Church on Sunday and lunch at Farmer's (lots of good car time with my friends this weekend). A walk around Historic Greenville, and then BOBBY'S and a movie ("Ray") in Edwardsville.
side note: for those of you who visit... there is a sign advertising "Historic Greenville" at the edge of town... and it happens to be RIGHT in front of Chang's Chinese Restaurant and Buffet. Its important to note that Chang's does not necessarily comprise the entirety of historic Greenville... nor is it maybe even included in the area labeled "Historic Greenville".
I was exhausted at work on Monday morning, but not so exhausted that I didn't enjoy lunch with B and K at Chang's (see above), also accompanied by Dave and Kyle. We forgot our camera so there is no picture, sadly, of the "historic" event... :)
Kristen left shortly after and I took Brian to the airport on our way to BSF. I was sad to see them go, but SOOOO glad that they came to visit. I was COMPLETELY and TOTALLY blessed by their visit.
Last night at BSF we were studying the conclusion of Paul's first missionary journey (Acts 14). And the lesson/lecture/notes discussed how different Derbe was from the other towns that the apostles/disciples had visited. After being persecuted all across Cyprus and Turkey, they came to Derbe where they had rest from persectution.
The "principle" was that "As we work for Christ, He will give us rest and refreshing when we need it"
That principle was true in my life this weekend. Circumstances had come together to make me feel tired, overwhelmed, unsure of my future and more. And I was fighting as best as I knew how, within that context, and trying to allow the joy of the Lord to be my strength.
But the Lord knew better and gave me rest when I needed it.
Even though the visit took a lot out of me (sleep-wise), I feel emotionally refreshed and I'm grateful that "Tall Brian" and Kristen were a part of the working of the Lord to get me there.
I'll have pics up soon from their visit. :)
Love (off to the last v-ball game of the season), Tiff
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