On self-absorbtion, pity parties and my life (with photos to follow)

Stink. I pressed a button and it refreshed my screen and I have to start over - and it involves cutting and pasting and self-examination and my coaches all return in 10 minutes.....

Bummer. (incidentally, its now happened twice - I'm not a super big fan of Windows service pack 2 and how it blocks pop-ups, when i already have the google toolbar which also blocks pop-ups and they have now BOTH reloaded my page - but the second time I got wise and copied the three lines I had written!)

But on to better things.

Thursdays are a great day. There's a team meeting (which I am not going to regularly this semester) and so I get an hour of uninterrupted time in my office to catch up on whatever I choose (today its "life") - unless Kess is downstairs emailing me. Additionally, I have lunch with one of my gals, I talk to Karen Ferg. in the AM before work and its almost Friday. Great day.

So today I am catching up on writing (which I've been meaning to do for some time) and on reading the blogs of my friends to catch up with them:
Leah: http://freetohope.blogspot.com/
Bethany: http://www.sunshineinmypocket.com/blog.htm
Jenn: http://brokentoheal.blogspot.com/

Leah is a lot like me - she'll update for a number of days in a row, then not for a couple weeks as life spins, Bethany is a frequent blogger - sometimes a couple lines multi-daily, Jenn also is a great writer and prolific though it looks like she hasn't written in 2 weeks.

But back to me.... (I crack myself up). Thats what I'm writing about today. Too much me. "My will", "My thoughts", "My friends", "My way", etc. You get the point.

I read a note by Leah where she talked about self-absorbtion and I thought, "That's it - what a great way to describe it." Because at some level I'm letting my absorbtion with myself (understandable in a natural way, being sick, looking for a new job, etc) steal my joy in other people's lives and happiness and rather than having parties because other people are getting jobs or boyfriends, etc... I'm having little pity parties for myself.

So in BSF last week we studied the second half of 1st Corinthians - ch.8-16. And the lecture was the best (I think) this year. All about how Paul's message is simply this: love your neighbor. If we choose to love our neighbor we won't care about losing our rights to help them not stumble. If we choose to love our neighbor we'll be clear and speak truth even though it might sting. If we choose to love our neighbor then all of our actions will bear fruit - rather than being in vain. It was good for me to hear.

Well, in the notes there was a section on 1Cor13, the famous "love" chapter - you've heard it: love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast..... etc. The notes said (paraphrase): "Which of these characteristics are true of you? Are you patient in troubling circumstances? Are you kind to others in times in which you are struggling to be patient? Are you jealous? Are you boastful? Are you arrogant? Do you rejoice in other people's pain, or when bad things happen to them? Do you rejoice with your friends when good things happen to them - even when they aren't happening to you?"

Anyway, it was something like that.... and I was convicted. I have not been patient, nor kind in these last weeks as I struggle with recovering from this cold and trying to get my life under control (which I have been endeavoring to do for nigh about 4 months...) and find a job I like and want to do. I haven't rejoiced in people's pain, but I also have certainly not rejoiced in their joy, and I can't even say that I'm not boastful, arrogant or jealous.

What a portrait. So on that note, I am committing for today to be joyful, to let the joy of the Lord be my strength, and to express joy for other people - because I DO love them and I want to share the love that I have with them. And I don't want my work to be in vain simply because I'm pitying my own life situation.

So there, I said it and now I have to do it. Yikes. We'll see how it goes.

Much love to you!