sad.

Just sad today.

For those of you out there who get my "regular" updates, and so occasionally pray for me. You can pray about this.

sad.

I spoke with my mom just now. I'm so glad to be going home on Monday. Right now home feels like my safest haven. Where I can "escape" the various life changes that are occuring and hunker down in the big chair (I cried on the phone, so I think mom's sympathy will kick in and I'll get her chair for a day or so) and watch movies on the big TV, read on the patio and forget about real life for a little bit.

Now that the dam has broke on the tears, I think I may just keep crying a little all day. That's disturbing. Makes it hard to type, and my contacts are dry enough as it is...this isn't so helpful.

And its not helpful to know that some people (and even myself) would say, "Its not a sad time!" (because its not) "this is an exciting time!" (because it is) Because I can't put my finger on the exact sad points.

But I mostly think (and maybe I'm lying) that I'm simply tired. Last year I got to this point almost every Sunday durin the fall, and particularly the last Sunday of the season. By then I just couldn't hold it together any more. This season I've had to hold it together longer, knowing about Kess' announcement, trying to be bright for the guys, and confident so that they would be.

I imagine its often exhausting to be a parent and "never let them see you sweat".

I will sleep a lot when I get home I believe.

And I'm grateful for BSF and Hebrews. Because more than anything as I experience this time of change I remember that we have had GOOD times together here, but that the Lord did not intend for this to be the "be all end all" experience for any of us.

Its just a shadow of the things to come, on earth and in heaven.

I can't wait for heaven.

be blessed. T