Endings, Beginnings and Awkward In-Betweens

So football season is over. Again. My year isn't over (again), though. And soon it will be softball season and soon softball will be over.

I know life is full of endings and beginnings. Its glorious and hard and joyful and sad all at the same time for me. I've never been good at the ending of things. I'm not an "ender" by nature. When I finish something all the way, its a good deal. I much prefer the planning, starting and during to the ending. I just am worn out emotionally by endings.

I'm an "activator" (for those of you who know about the strengths-quest) and that means I'm a "starter" - I love beginnings. I love the promise of them, the hope. I love that they are fresh and I love that part of change.

I don't love endings, but I am learning to be OK with them. Tonight was hard - to see some of my very favorite young men take their final moment with the team and fans; to see them cry and hear their own testimonies of their growth and maturity. I know these men. They have grown. They have matured. They have become men, where they used to be boys. I'm so proud of them.

Then I start thinking about if this is my last season, my last year at Greenville. I wish for it sometimes so badly, but other times I just want to live in the golden twilight that is NOW in Greenville, these men, who I have known for 3 years, the others who graduate next year who started their college careers when I did. The women who I love and admire who are becoming WOMEN of God.

And so I arrive home, in the uncomfortable in-between period. Again. Again I'm wondering if I will stay or go; feeling pulled both ways. Again I'm hoping I will have an opportunity to leave, or to meet the "man of my dreams" and ride into the sunset with him, or know what I'm supposed to do for a vocation next year. And again I am wishing I could stay here forever, working with students, loving athletes and working as an agent of change for the Lord, with friends and people who love me like my own family.

In-betweens. Awkward and Uncomfortable - and yet totally necessary in order to grow. Moses' 40 years in the wilderness, the Isrealites time in Egypt, Joseph's time in jail - etc. I know that this is a preparation time for me.

But that doesn't make the evening and saying "goodbye" to those men and their parents any easier or any less hard. And it doesn't make my future any more clear.

God bless you tonight. May you have wisdom in you in-between times.

love, Tiff