From Left to Right: Leah, me, Angie and Steph - Angie is in my BSF group, and Steph is my small group leader. We had a really fun time, dancing until midnight - BOY were we tired the next day!!
Monday, February 21, 2005
Thursday, February 17, 2005
On self-absorbtion, pity parties and my life (with photos to follow)
Stink. I pressed a button and it refreshed my screen and I have to start over - and it involves cutting and pasting and self-examination and my coaches all return in 10 minutes.....
Bummer. (incidentally, its now happened twice - I'm not a super big fan of Windows service pack 2 and how it blocks pop-ups, when i already have the google toolbar which also blocks pop-ups and they have now BOTH reloaded my page - but the second time I got wise and copied the three lines I had written!)
But on to better things.
Thursdays are a great day. There's a team meeting (which I am not going to regularly this semester) and so I get an hour of uninterrupted time in my office to catch up on whatever I choose (today its "life") - unless Kess is downstairs emailing me. Additionally, I have lunch with one of my gals, I talk to Karen Ferg. in the AM before work and its almost Friday. Great day.
So today I am catching up on writing (which I've been meaning to do for some time) and on reading the blogs of my friends to catch up with them:
Leah: http://freetohope.blogspot.com/
Bethany: http://www.sunshineinmypocket.com/blog.htm
Jenn: http://brokentoheal.blogspot.com/
Leah is a lot like me - she'll update for a number of days in a row, then not for a couple weeks as life spins, Bethany is a frequent blogger - sometimes a couple lines multi-daily, Jenn also is a great writer and prolific though it looks like she hasn't written in 2 weeks.
But back to me.... (I crack myself up). Thats what I'm writing about today. Too much me. "My will", "My thoughts", "My friends", "My way", etc. You get the point.
I read a note by Leah where she talked about self-absorbtion and I thought, "That's it - what a great way to describe it." Because at some level I'm letting my absorbtion with myself (understandable in a natural way, being sick, looking for a new job, etc) steal my joy in other people's lives and happiness and rather than having parties because other people are getting jobs or boyfriends, etc... I'm having little pity parties for myself.
So in BSF last week we studied the second half of 1st Corinthians - ch.8-16. And the lecture was the best (I think) this year. All about how Paul's message is simply this: love your neighbor. If we choose to love our neighbor we won't care about losing our rights to help them not stumble. If we choose to love our neighbor we'll be clear and speak truth even though it might sting. If we choose to love our neighbor then all of our actions will bear fruit - rather than being in vain. It was good for me to hear.
Well, in the notes there was a section on 1Cor13, the famous "love" chapter - you've heard it: love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast..... etc. The notes said (paraphrase): "Which of these characteristics are true of you? Are you patient in troubling circumstances? Are you kind to others in times in which you are struggling to be patient? Are you jealous? Are you boastful? Are you arrogant? Do you rejoice in other people's pain, or when bad things happen to them? Do you rejoice with your friends when good things happen to them - even when they aren't happening to you?"
Anyway, it was something like that.... and I was convicted. I have not been patient, nor kind in these last weeks as I struggle with recovering from this cold and trying to get my life under control (which I have been endeavoring to do for nigh about 4 months...) and find a job I like and want to do. I haven't rejoiced in people's pain, but I also have certainly not rejoiced in their joy, and I can't even say that I'm not boastful, arrogant or jealous.
What a portrait. So on that note, I am committing for today to be joyful, to let the joy of the Lord be my strength, and to express joy for other people - because I DO love them and I want to share the love that I have with them. And I don't want my work to be in vain simply because I'm pitying my own life situation.
So there, I said it and now I have to do it. Yikes. We'll see how it goes.
Much love to you!
Bummer. (incidentally, its now happened twice - I'm not a super big fan of Windows service pack 2 and how it blocks pop-ups, when i already have the google toolbar which also blocks pop-ups and they have now BOTH reloaded my page - but the second time I got wise and copied the three lines I had written!)
But on to better things.
Thursdays are a great day. There's a team meeting (which I am not going to regularly this semester) and so I get an hour of uninterrupted time in my office to catch up on whatever I choose (today its "life") - unless Kess is downstairs emailing me. Additionally, I have lunch with one of my gals, I talk to Karen Ferg. in the AM before work and its almost Friday. Great day.
So today I am catching up on writing (which I've been meaning to do for some time) and on reading the blogs of my friends to catch up with them:
Leah: http://freetohope.blogspot.com/
Bethany: http://www.sunshineinmypocket.com/blog.htm
Jenn: http://brokentoheal.blogspot.com/
Leah is a lot like me - she'll update for a number of days in a row, then not for a couple weeks as life spins, Bethany is a frequent blogger - sometimes a couple lines multi-daily, Jenn also is a great writer and prolific though it looks like she hasn't written in 2 weeks.
But back to me.... (I crack myself up). Thats what I'm writing about today. Too much me. "My will", "My thoughts", "My friends", "My way", etc. You get the point.
I read a note by Leah where she talked about self-absorbtion and I thought, "That's it - what a great way to describe it." Because at some level I'm letting my absorbtion with myself (understandable in a natural way, being sick, looking for a new job, etc) steal my joy in other people's lives and happiness and rather than having parties because other people are getting jobs or boyfriends, etc... I'm having little pity parties for myself.
So in BSF last week we studied the second half of 1st Corinthians - ch.8-16. And the lecture was the best (I think) this year. All about how Paul's message is simply this: love your neighbor. If we choose to love our neighbor we won't care about losing our rights to help them not stumble. If we choose to love our neighbor we'll be clear and speak truth even though it might sting. If we choose to love our neighbor then all of our actions will bear fruit - rather than being in vain. It was good for me to hear.
Well, in the notes there was a section on 1Cor13, the famous "love" chapter - you've heard it: love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast..... etc. The notes said (paraphrase): "Which of these characteristics are true of you? Are you patient in troubling circumstances? Are you kind to others in times in which you are struggling to be patient? Are you jealous? Are you boastful? Are you arrogant? Do you rejoice in other people's pain, or when bad things happen to them? Do you rejoice with your friends when good things happen to them - even when they aren't happening to you?"
Anyway, it was something like that.... and I was convicted. I have not been patient, nor kind in these last weeks as I struggle with recovering from this cold and trying to get my life under control (which I have been endeavoring to do for nigh about 4 months...) and find a job I like and want to do. I haven't rejoiced in people's pain, but I also have certainly not rejoiced in their joy, and I can't even say that I'm not boastful, arrogant or jealous.
What a portrait. So on that note, I am committing for today to be joyful, to let the joy of the Lord be my strength, and to express joy for other people - because I DO love them and I want to share the love that I have with them. And I don't want my work to be in vain simply because I'm pitying my own life situation.
So there, I said it and now I have to do it. Yikes. We'll see how it goes.
Much love to you!
A letter to Justin (edited to protect the innocent)
Hi Justin,
There are moments when I wished you lived in the states so I could call you at a moment’s notice and tell you I’m thinking of you! A lot of them happen while watching any film starring Hugh Grant (and by the way, he has been in many films so I see him a LOT!).
Tonight I was about to go to bed and work on my bible study, but allowed myself 30 minutes of the movie “Love Actually” on Cinemax (its on all the time right now, and so I’m always seeing bits and pieces of it) – which I like more each time I see a bit of it – very true, and awkward and bittersweet. So 30 minutes came and went and I watched for 5 more till the next scene with Hugh and the gal that works for him… at the end he says, (referring to a portrait of Margaret Thatcher) “Did you ever have this problem?... Of course you did, you saucy minx.” And I laughed out loud because it’s so much like you and I am so blessed by that line – every time I hear that line and see his face I think of you and smile.
All that to say that I wrote it down so I could email you and wouldn’t lose the thought. I don’t even know how to write you a paper letter if such things were acceptable in the technological age. I do hope you are well. I haven’t heard from you lately, but we’ve both been busy.
My life ticks along with little change and yet huge changes looming. I’m not sure what I want to do with my life, and even when part of me says, “be married and have lots of little tiffanis”… I realize that I don’t even know who I’d want to do that with! And so I’m taking the next few days as an exercise in discerning what I want to do with my life…… and hoping I have some vision and direction by the end of it!
Are you still dating the gal from the spring? From DC? How does that work with you overseas? If not, is there anyone new? How do you like your new digs? What are they like? How is Malaysia different from ‘Nam?
{EDIT}
And so watching “you” on TV tonight is a joy because you are witty and funny and like me for who I am. And you’ve always made me feel valuable and smart. But mostly it’s a joy because YOU’RE valuable and smart but too far away for me to enjoy your company regularly except by pretending that Hugh is you. And Hugh – though he is no Justin – is an alright substitute on your behalf. Because he certainly does make me laugh.
But the fact remains that he ISN’T you, and that I miss you. And I know Barb does, too. And I miss Barb.
Thanks for making me smile tonight. Not as good as you being here, but it should bring some comfort to all of us that I can simply think of you and it makes me smile, laugh and remember good times.
Love, your friend from the muddy cornfields, Tiff
There are moments when I wished you lived in the states so I could call you at a moment’s notice and tell you I’m thinking of you! A lot of them happen while watching any film starring Hugh Grant (and by the way, he has been in many films so I see him a LOT!).
Tonight I was about to go to bed and work on my bible study, but allowed myself 30 minutes of the movie “Love Actually” on Cinemax (its on all the time right now, and so I’m always seeing bits and pieces of it) – which I like more each time I see a bit of it – very true, and awkward and bittersweet. So 30 minutes came and went and I watched for 5 more till the next scene with Hugh and the gal that works for him… at the end he says, (referring to a portrait of Margaret Thatcher) “Did you ever have this problem?... Of course you did, you saucy minx.” And I laughed out loud because it’s so much like you and I am so blessed by that line – every time I hear that line and see his face I think of you and smile.
All that to say that I wrote it down so I could email you and wouldn’t lose the thought. I don’t even know how to write you a paper letter if such things were acceptable in the technological age. I do hope you are well. I haven’t heard from you lately, but we’ve both been busy.
My life ticks along with little change and yet huge changes looming. I’m not sure what I want to do with my life, and even when part of me says, “be married and have lots of little tiffanis”… I realize that I don’t even know who I’d want to do that with! And so I’m taking the next few days as an exercise in discerning what I want to do with my life…… and hoping I have some vision and direction by the end of it!
Are you still dating the gal from the spring? From DC? How does that work with you overseas? If not, is there anyone new? How do you like your new digs? What are they like? How is Malaysia different from ‘Nam?
{EDIT}
And so watching “you” on TV tonight is a joy because you are witty and funny and like me for who I am. And you’ve always made me feel valuable and smart. But mostly it’s a joy because YOU’RE valuable and smart but too far away for me to enjoy your company regularly except by pretending that Hugh is you. And Hugh – though he is no Justin – is an alright substitute on your behalf. Because he certainly does make me laugh.
But the fact remains that he ISN’T you, and that I miss you. And I know Barb does, too. And I miss Barb.
Thanks for making me smile tonight. Not as good as you being here, but it should bring some comfort to all of us that I can simply think of you and it makes me smile, laugh and remember good times.
Love, your friend from the muddy cornfields, Tiff
Valentine's Day Post (a few days late)
For Valentine's Day, one of my favorite hymns. It speaks of God's love in a way that always leaves me in awe. By Frederick Lehman (1868-1953) and #78 in your BSF Leader's Hymnal...
The Love of God:
The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell,
It goes beyond the highest star
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave his Son to win:
His erring child He reconciled
And pardoned from his sin.
chorus:
The love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure -
The saints' and angels' song.
When years of time shall pass away
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall
When men, who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call,
God's love so sure shall still endure,
All measureless and strong:
Redeeming grace to Adam's race -
The saints' and angels' song.
chorus
(this next verse is my favorite, read and then really think about it)
Could we with ink the ocean fill
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were ev'ry stalk on earth a quill
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry,
Nor could the scroll contain the whole
Though stretched from sky to sky.
chorus
Seriously, as I consider those words I am amazed at God's love and how the composer captured the truth so well in those verse.
The apostle John said: "Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written." (John 21:25)
pretty awesome.
May you experience more of the Lord's love today than yesterday!
Tiffani
The Love of God:
The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell,
It goes beyond the highest star
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave his Son to win:
His erring child He reconciled
And pardoned from his sin.
chorus:
The love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure -
The saints' and angels' song.
When years of time shall pass away
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall
When men, who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call,
God's love so sure shall still endure,
All measureless and strong:
Redeeming grace to Adam's race -
The saints' and angels' song.
chorus
(this next verse is my favorite, read and then really think about it)
Could we with ink the ocean fill
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were ev'ry stalk on earth a quill
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry,
Nor could the scroll contain the whole
Though stretched from sky to sky.
chorus
Seriously, as I consider those words I am amazed at God's love and how the composer captured the truth so well in those verse.
The apostle John said: "Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written." (John 21:25)
pretty awesome.
May you experience more of the Lord's love today than yesterday!
Tiffani
Friday, February 04, 2005
I'm back (at least for a few minutes)
Little did I know when I wrote last time that I was about to be down and OUT for three work days and then recovering for a week.
I had a great (GREAT!) time in Texas over a long weekend (1/21-24). I got there on Thursday night and was greeted by the entire Fergason family - kids and all. The van was a cacophany of noises - "Tiff, I got an electric train for Christmas!", "Tiff, I got a new DVD", "Tiff, I'm hungry" - it was fantastic. I couldn't keep up with all the comments and I loved every minute of it.
We eventually arrived at the new Fergason mansion (I just like to call it that) and Andilyn showed me the entire place (she's 4 and did a super job on the tour). The next morning I awoke to amazing weather. We ran around outside (me wearing a t-shirt, shorts and flip-flops) playing tag for about an hour and enjoyed the warm weather. Friday was John and Karen's 10th anniversary and so after I got over my hysterical-ness (I can't believe I forgot it was their anniversary and that I came to visit!!).... Nick and Dorothy (Karen's folks) came over to babysit the kiddos and John, Karen and I went out for Tex-Mex on the San Antonio Riverfront. It was really good food, conversation and I was blessed to be a part of their anniversary! Saturday the girls (Karen, Andi and I) went shopping together while the boys went to the hardware store and the RC car track. Sunday I experienced their church, which I enjoyed, and we had a fun Sunday afternoon relaxing. I flew back on Monday after a nice time with Karen - eating breakfast at Mama's Cafe and visiting Target. Got back in St. Louis JUST IN TIME for BSF Monday night.
I'm blessed to have had a time to rest during this crazy time of transition here in the office. And I was thankful that Andi didn't get sick until the last day of my visit, and that I didn't come down with it until I got back and settled here.
The office has been kind of crazy as we try to keep up with recruiting and transition the coaches into doing what I've been doing for the last two years. I'm still working on all my normal stuff, but eventually we are actually going to assign my work to the coaches - so in the meantime I'm trying to get it all organized for easy transition and have learned that I'm still not as organized as I think I am!!
Finally, I'm re-reading Pride and Prejudice. There is SO much in that book that makes me laugh, and think. If you haven't read it.... do.
I have so much to tell you, so much going on. But I'm back in the swing of life now and I'll be writing more soon.
Until then - may the Lord bless you richly!
I had a great (GREAT!) time in Texas over a long weekend (1/21-24). I got there on Thursday night and was greeted by the entire Fergason family - kids and all. The van was a cacophany of noises - "Tiff, I got an electric train for Christmas!", "Tiff, I got a new DVD", "Tiff, I'm hungry" - it was fantastic. I couldn't keep up with all the comments and I loved every minute of it.
We eventually arrived at the new Fergason mansion (I just like to call it that) and Andilyn showed me the entire place (she's 4 and did a super job on the tour). The next morning I awoke to amazing weather. We ran around outside (me wearing a t-shirt, shorts and flip-flops) playing tag for about an hour and enjoyed the warm weather. Friday was John and Karen's 10th anniversary and so after I got over my hysterical-ness (I can't believe I forgot it was their anniversary and that I came to visit!!).... Nick and Dorothy (Karen's folks) came over to babysit the kiddos and John, Karen and I went out for Tex-Mex on the San Antonio Riverfront. It was really good food, conversation and I was blessed to be a part of their anniversary! Saturday the girls (Karen, Andi and I) went shopping together while the boys went to the hardware store and the RC car track. Sunday I experienced their church, which I enjoyed, and we had a fun Sunday afternoon relaxing. I flew back on Monday after a nice time with Karen - eating breakfast at Mama's Cafe and visiting Target. Got back in St. Louis JUST IN TIME for BSF Monday night.
I'm blessed to have had a time to rest during this crazy time of transition here in the office. And I was thankful that Andi didn't get sick until the last day of my visit, and that I didn't come down with it until I got back and settled here.
The office has been kind of crazy as we try to keep up with recruiting and transition the coaches into doing what I've been doing for the last two years. I'm still working on all my normal stuff, but eventually we are actually going to assign my work to the coaches - so in the meantime I'm trying to get it all organized for easy transition and have learned that I'm still not as organized as I think I am!!
Finally, I'm re-reading Pride and Prejudice. There is SO much in that book that makes me laugh, and think. If you haven't read it.... do.
I have so much to tell you, so much going on. But I'm back in the swing of life now and I'll be writing more soon.
Until then - may the Lord bless you richly!
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